HAYAT

Sacrifice for a new life..

2010-01-29T17:12:00.002+08:00

Ahmad Amal Najmi. Tarikh lahir baby Amal memang cute and will always be a public holiday 01012010.

Pengalaman bersalin kali ni memang luar biasa sikit daripada yang 2 sebelum ni. Masa mula mengandung 1st trimester memang best, no morning sickness for me, makan laa apa nak makan, pastuh siap pegi jejalan dublin ngan london. Everything rasa macam okay jer. When it comes to 2nd trimester, hmm ader spotting pulak and encountered that the placenta is low lying. Tapi masa tu tak risau la sangat sebab ye la kan arif pun macam tuh jugak tapi by the time nak masuk 3rd trimester placenta elok jer naik at the right position. So abaikan je la sumer sumer, I'm enjoying my pregnancy dengan jejalan and do my chores as I routinely do.

Masa check up 3rd trimester.. hmm sama jugak the placenta is still low lying and kekadang ada lagi spotting. Rasa tak sedap ati dah start laa sikit sikit tapi just doa yang boleh dipanjatkan, since my O&G specialist tu jenis yang cool and dier pun seem tak worry and yet dier still give me hope yang I can still deliver normal so rasa lega laa sket.

32nd week pegi check dengan kawan kat hospital ampang, her face look worry and that doubled up the worry for me. She stated that I'm suffering from placenta previa posterior type II. She even told me that the possibility is quite high yang I might have to consider scisor rather than bersalin normal. Huhuhuhu sedeynyer.. For second opinion I consult my O&G specialist yang I regularly pegi for antenatal, once again lega sket bila dia kata the placenta is touching the os and bila lower segment dah fully develop there might still be hope to deliver normally.

35th week I started having premature contraction, that stressed me up sbb bagi pp macam I having contraction is not good. Pastuh 22nd 12 2009, malam tu takleh tido sakit nyer perut asek ader regular contraction. So the next day pegi jumpak O&G, but false labour. Fuh lega tapi days go on and I got on and off contraction.

28th Disember again a long night for me sakitnya sampai tak boleh tido. The next day pegi O&G again Dr Z buat VE, hmm baru 1 to 2 cm, so dia bagi choice nak balik or nak stay ward and monitor kat spital, my choice baik balik umah. I did tell him that I prefer to go to the office but he forbid me of doing so. Bahaya katanya so I got mc for three solid days.. Fuyooo. Day 1 mc bestnyer lepak lepak kat umah. Day 2 bosannya tak der buat apa apa... so pegi survey barang sket malam tu, pegi makan char kueyteow minum kopi O ais.. mmm bestnyer. Day 3 pegi jusco jejalan sket sbb ada contraction so maybe jejalan sket bleh cepat sket bersalin kot. That night is once again a sleepless night, next morning masa orang sumer rehat sbb baru lepas sambut malam tahun baru.. I'm in pain and at the hospital.

Pagi tuh buat CTG, contraction dah kuat and regular, VE hmm.. baru bukak 2-3 cm so to augment, masuk petocin... At 2.30pm Dr Z datang agi check agi.. huhuhu still 2-3 cm.. though the contraction sangatlah bagus so keluar jugak laaa mender yang aku takutkan all this while.

"Sham, sepatutnya dengan contraction macam nih, patut dah ada progress, lagipun ni anak yang ketiga sepatutnya tak sesusah ni, saya bimbang ada possibility ada obstruction yang menyebabkan kepala baby tak boleh turun sbb sham pun alert kan sham punya uri kat bawah. Jadik saya boleh bagi 2 jam lagi untuk tunggu kalau tak bukak jugak kita terpaksa scisor sbb takut baby distress, or you decide nak scisor je trus skarang, sbb kalau 2 jam ni sakit tapi tak bukak jugak kena scisor jugak" Sambil senyum ajer Dr Z cakap kat aku. Huhuhuhu.. Kuatkan semangat..

" As long as there still hope saya tunggulah dulu 2 jam lagi," Aku decide sambey tengok muka hubby aku yang penuh kerisauan.

Penantian 2 jam tu sungguh menyeksakan, part sakit tu satulah, part stress tuh yang tak tahan tu takut nak kena operate satu hal, risau pasal duit pun ada jugak.. kesian kat hubby aku nak kena bayar mahal.. Tapi hubby tak habih habih menenangkan aku and he was there all the time. Terharunya...

Pukul 5.oo Dr Z datang lagi.. debar macam nak luruh jantungku.. Masa aku bangun duduk suddenly ada air panas membasahi celah kakiku.. Air ketuban ku pecah... Dr Z periksa lagi, though masih 3cm tapi sbb air ketuban dah pecah Dr Z bagitau it may be a good sign yang menunjukkan baby boleh turun dan maybe lepas nih progress akan lebih cepat so dia decide untuk hantar aku ke labour room dan tunggu sampai 4 jam lagi.

Midwife yang attend aku mmg dah senior sangat and baik sangat, dia tenang kan aku and diorang asek tanya aku whether nak ambik epidural or not. Memula tu aku nekad taknak epidural. Tapi dah berjam jam aku tahan sakit daripada semlam lagi so pukul 6.00 aku surrender aku mintak epidural.. the pain is overwhelming dah. Pukul 6.30 epidural dah bagi kesan, aku still rasa contraction tapi less pain. Aku pun main PDA hubby untuk lupakan kesakitan sambey sambey berzikir.

Pukul 7.00 Dr Z suruh midwife buat VE, sedeynyer midwife tu bagitau masih 3 cm, so Dr Z bgtau nanti lepas maghrib die baru datang attend aku. Hubby pun decide nak pegi semayang dulu and pegi makan, aku pun ok jer kesian kat dier dari tadi menunggu aku. Tinggal la aku sengsorang kat labour room, kat luar aku dengar nurses tuh bersembang sembang.

Pukul 7.30, aku rasa sakit overwhelm balik, sambey berzikir dalam ati sempat agi menyumpah sebab epidural tak jalan... Patuh midwife yang attend aku jenguk bgtau dier nak naik semayang, aku pulak rasa nak terberak. Sbelum aku kena tinggal bebetul baik aku bgtau dulu so aku panggil midwife tuh sbelum dier blah and bgtau dier yang aku rasa macam nak terberak. Dia pun pakai glove and buat VE semula. Bulat mata dier terkejut and bgtau aku dah 8cm. Aku pun terkejut sbb baru sgt check 3 cm tadi. Dier cecepat telefon dr pastuh dier tanya whether aku nak dier tipon kan hubby. Jawapan ku simple.. tak yah laaa even without him kalau aku nak deliver aku deliver, biarla dier semayang and makan dengan tenang.

Few minutes later dah full dah bukak, so midwife suh aku pegang palang besi kat tepi and start pushing, tengah aku push dr pun sampai.. kepala baby kuar ngan mudah dengan 2 kali push tapi bahu dier macam sangkut sket so taktau aper the Dr buat tapi it is very painful. Bila baby dah keluar dier diletak kat dada aku .. dengar baby nangis adalah satu kelegaan bagi aku. Tapi suddenly Dr Z jerit " Darah dier tak berenti, Where is this blood comes from, I kena check darah ni dari mana.." Lepas placenta dah keluar suddenly aku rasa macam telinga aku jadik panas tapi muka aku rasa sejuk sangat. Aku start rasa mengantuk yang amat sangat.. nampak ada bintang bintang sket.. Suasana dalam labour room tu macam kelam kabut sket, Dr Z kocak kocak perut aku... fuhh sakitnya.. aku bleh dengar dr bising bising yang aku tak paham apa dier cakap, yang pasti aku pun pejam mata sbb rasa macam badan melayang... Tapi Dr Z tak abih abih ketuk ketuk kaki aku dan jerit " Sham don't close your eyes.. bangun Sham, " Tapi tak kirelah aku letih janji bleh tido..

Uwaaa... Tetiba aku tersentak macam terkejut bila dengar baby nangis kat sebelah aku .. Aku bukak mata.. tahap kesedaran aku kembali.. rupanya diorang bawak masuk baby aku dalam labour room semula and baby tuh di biar nangis sebelah aku. Baru aku macam sedar balik sepenuhnya... Suasana tenang semula.. Dr Z settlekan apa yang patut and bila sumer selesai dier pun keluar jumpa hubby aku.

Hubby masuk peluk and cium aku.. Dier bagitau Dr Z kata aku ilang banyak jugak darah.. Aku dibiar rehat kat labour room, diorang bagi aku minum dulu sbb aku mmg tak boleh bangun langsung even duduk pun boleh sebabkan aku rasa nak black out.. Bila cam ok sket diorang pun pindahkan aku masuk dalam bilik.

Sampai kat bilik aku rasa nak terkencing so hubby assist aku ke toilet... Lepas kencing aku mula nampak bintang bintang semula... kepala rasa sangat ringan hubby papah ke katil tapi belum sempat sampai aku dah blackout.. Sedar sedar aku dah atas katil and kepala ku direndahkan sket.. Nasib baik hubby aku amik emergency so dier tak laaa panic...

Ya Allah aku bersyukur semuanya selamat.. Pengalaman nih menginsafkan aku tentang kematian yang boleh datang menjemput bila bila masa jer. Aku bersyukur masih diberi masa untuk tengok anak anak aku dan orang orang tersayang.. Aku insaf.. dan sedar aku perlu sentiasa mengingati mati dan bersedia menghadapinya and kena selalu tressure masa bersama orang orang tersayang.........

Being Real

2009-11-03T21:59:00.002+08:00

An optimist will always sees solution in each problem. That is how I tried to maintain strong and thinking positive. But things doesn't always been as smooth as we hope for. Not all problem can be solved with the solution we have chosen. Sometimes the harder we fight the harder everything come crushing on us. Lately, there are lots of circumstances happen that is out of my control.

Scared+stressful+ tired+ lonely = confuse..

I'm truly confused lately, where should I start my step, which and what should be solve first... Is time by my side. Can I manage everything.. Gosh everything is so confusing!!

I wanna be real! And being real.. I must learn to let go things that is out of my control!!

27 September 1979

2009-09-27T18:52:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday my beloved hubby ........ Semoga panjang umur and murah rezeki and diberkati umur dan hubungan kita..

I bought a GPS for my hubby's birthday, thanks to my brother in law because I'm a little bit out of date in catching up with all the upcoming gadgets nih..

Malaysian Hospitality

2009-08-08T15:49:00.004+08:00

Whereever I go I will always remember this that no one can doubt the hospitality of a Malaysian. I'm writing this as an appreciation to all my friends no matter how far you are for the hospitality that you have shown me and may Allah bless us all.

Hartworth Harbour tengok seal godang godang

This is the family that we just met for the first time in Dublin but yet the kindness they shown us is priceless and undescribable. All this while being busy with everyday work I think I tend to forget about the soft skill and even worst sometimes I forgot that I've been selfish in sharing ideas or even lending a helping hand to others. But after the experience in Dublin and also London it makes me muhasabah myself of what the value of life is. It's true life without sharing happiness with others is meaningless and we also never know when will this journey of life ends.

From this day onwards I hope I will be a better person. Ammin..

Thank you Dr Yusri and Ain. Hopefully this will not be our last meeting, if Ain opens this blog I just wanna tell both of you that you are most welcome to our humble house in Malaysia. Please do drop by sometime.

Kak Urwah was my senior at school and since I was in form 4 we have been close friends. Though the limitations of being student in a big city like London and also Kareem is facing rough times in finishing his thesis, they had made us welcome. I felt flattered that my brother in law also manage to come and meet us at London. They had made our day in London. Thank you all for the warmth welcome all of you had shown us. After staying for more than a week abroad. It feels really good looking out the window and seeing the sky in Malaysia. No matter where I am nothing beats my love for my country.

Lovely places in Dublin and my presentation day.

2009-07-26T00:14:00.009+08:00

Phoenix park.. Tu phoenix kat on top of the monument..

Second day at Dublin, we went to Phoenix park, we've been told that it was the largest park in europe so definitely we went round the park via car. In the park is the Dublin zoo but tak masuklah, not really interested to visit zoo. We did wander around, but unfortunately we didn' manage to see the dears at the park. Ussually there are dears wandering freely in this park. But as for today we are just not in luck. Maybe the dears have sense there will be malaysian coming so Hide!!

Beautiful pond, pitty the swan she actually swam from the other side of the pond approaching my hubby with her babies thinking that my hubby had brought some food for them but he didn't.. So cruel..

Than off we go to the botanical garden. It's about 15 minutes drive from the phoenix park.

The green house

Ala ala masuk hutan la nih
Compliment to the gardeners and the landscaper
Rose garden, the smell of the roses were so refreshing.

Like old times... ala ala dating gitu.

Tired and hungry.. apa lagi soru ler.. This is at the Islamic center, there is an arab restaurant there. Alast second day in Dublin I got to enjoy eating rice..

The beautiful mosque at the Islamic Center. We solah zohor there.

Today is THE DAY... All the adrenalin rush can be felt since early morning. I can't sleep from the moment I finished my Subuh prayers until its time to walk to UCD. I felt tachicardic, nausea, dispnea .. long story short all the physiological changes were due to the instabil emotion I'm feeling at the time. Any way we started walking early morning, though I'm scared with the tought of the presentation but as ussual my hubby still happy snapping pics here and there.

My hubby pretending to wait for a bus but the truth was we walked along the way

They told me that it will only be a 10 - 15 minutes walk but..... I felt like losing my breath walking to UCD from Radisson... Arghhh it had been years when I last walk this distance.

Anyway arrived alast. Alhamdulillah

My first oral presentation in an international conference

As a reward for me with the walking and being able to get through with the presentation, Dr Yusri and Ain brought us to GLENDELOUGH. Picturesque........ The route to get there is like Bukit Putus but arriving there it is all worthy! The beautiful surrounding is just too difficult for me to describe.

The lake and the hill view as background while promoting Ain's delicious muffin.

Make me remember of a series when I was a little girl ' A small house down the prairie'

Precious moment with the precious man in my life

It took him quite some time to climb up there....

Refreshing.

This is the starting point to hike up the hill but no thank you, enough walking for a day

Impress with the Foxglove flower, it is a digitalis!

Great moment together.

Dublin Visit (Part 1)

2009-07-21T17:16:00.008+08:00

Finally I had time to update my blog but my writing skill is a little bit rusty now since I haven't been writing for quite sometime.

This time my story is about my new yet exiting experience that I got from my trip to Dublin. Due to unavoidable circumstances me and my hubby had to decide on taking Air Asia to London though at first we are trying to avoid direct flight because few of my friends told me that it will be very tiring. Our actual journey started on 3rd of July, from KL back to Sungai Petani to send the kids to my mom's house. She had initially agreed upon taking care of them when we are away. 6 hours journey.

From there we took Air Asia from Penang to KL then from KL directly to London. We started the journey at 6.oo am from Penang and we arrived at London approximately at 11.55 pm London time. Mak Aih .. imagine the hours we spent waiting for the flight and the inflight journey....

Tired face arriving at Stansted Airport, London.

But the journey doesn't end yet, we have to wait for another 5 hours at Stansted just to get our next flight to Dublin which is scheduled at 6.00 am. At that time I felt like a never ending story.. Sleeping .. waking up...sleep again .. waking up again but we are not in Dublin yet.. Arghh..

But my beloved hubby still have the heart to take photos at the airport...

Upon arriving at Dublin airport both of us were so blurr, this is actually our first trip to europe. Fortunately Dr Yusri a good friend of AP Dr Zainab and family fetched us at the airport. At first I'm rather confused how did he manage to recognize us as as soon as we approached the arrival hall. But maybe because not many Malays were there (Lagipun dedua muka asek tengok sani sini obvious sangat kot). Alhamdulillah arrived alast.

Dr Yusri (him and his wife had been very helpful and very nice throughout our stay ) and Azmani taking pic with the background of bungalows owned by pensioners.

I definitely sure that we were very tired when we arrived at Dublin but after a very delicious luxury breakfast with Dr Yusri and Ain, suddenly we had the energy to go for sightseeing at the city center. We had to take pic at the royal college of surgeon ... hehehe it had been once my dream to study there.

We went for a walk around the city center my hubby mmg snap sana sini jer kejernyer loads of pic we took at the city center. I just uploaded all in my facebook easier though.

Impressive the mosque were once a church, we can still know based on the design

A medical center that doesn't look like a medical center at all to me.

This transportation is called Luas.. luas nyer jalan yang dia pakai. It is as slow as our commuter but more comfy and much much cleaner.

This is the main entrance for St Stephen's Park (hopefuly I still got the name right). I'm right under the entrance.. can anyone see me?

This is the park at the middle of the city center very beautiful and they occupied this park for lunch and most of their free time. Irish just love park like this.

After wandering around the city center and the park we were starving so time for lunch.. My first Kebab in Ireland. First time taste it, I can say it was yummy and they were very generous in filling in the pita bread with the lamb.. We were full until the next day.
Arriving at the Radisson St Helen's Hotel Dublin, we were surprised by the mansion look it featured . Macam zaman dolu dolu punya building. Cayaklah

And there is also a park right in front of the hotel.

In the room we were again being surprised by the warm welcome. The room is not that big compared to any five stars hotel in malaysia but my hubby was so thrilled seeing his name on the TV at the room. That was our first day in Dublin exciting and memorable. Then due to our tiredness what we did after checking in at 5.00 pm was sleep ... and more sleep till the next day.

Am I Brave Enough?

2009-05-07T22:00:00.002+08:00

I'm still uncertain whether I am brave enough or do I have the nerve to present my paper via oral communication. But there's no turning back I have to face it, being selected to present via oral communication made me felt appreciated but then further thinking TAKUUUUTTTT!!! This is my 2nd oral presentation but the first presentation in international conference. Whatever happen.. i have to go through this and hopefuly with Allah blessing and all the love overwhelming me from my family I can manage to do it well..

A good start of May

2009-05-02T00:43:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah.. another paper had been accepted for presentation. Ya Allah thank you for your blessing. So this year I can already sit down and focus on other things than going to conferences for paper presentation. Enough presenting three papers.. Now lets move to scientific writing and the development of my research. Ya Allah please give me the strength..

The good news and the bad news..April says it all..

2009-04-28T22:21:00.004+08:00

April had been a long month for me. It felt longer than any other months passed by. Lets check it out.. is it really 30 days? Or maybe there's any additional days for this April 2009. Anyway maybe because lots of things happen on April.

THE GOOD NEWS

My effort on writing paper for oral presentation alast paid off when my paper was accepted to present at the Physiology Meeting 2009 held in Dublin, Ireland. Alast I had the opportunity to go to Ireland. I still can remember the frustration on 1999 when I'm being offered a place at Royal College of Surgeon right after I finished matriculation but the scholarship was withdrawn due to economic downturn. However, no regrets.. After all I might not be blessed as I am today if I went there before. Allah knows best.. Ya Allah hopefuly this time everything will went well.. Dublin, wait for us on July!!

THE BAD NEWS

After being working on a paper day and night, seeking for references and corrections by corrections for days I've devoted myself to.. I sent the paper to a reputable journal last month but this April they sent me a letter saying that they are not considering the paper for publication at their journal. Well really frustrating news! But still I determine to try again, they did suggested me to sent in to other journal so that is exactly what I have done and still waiting for the result.

THE SURPRISE

I was surprise when the dean had given me the trust to give a talk to the students in their research methodology workshop. Why? Because all the other speakers are reputable professors and experienced senior lecturers from various universities. Well I think this is a good start for me to polish the skill of giving a talk rather than always giving lecture.

Alot more had happened this month but enough writing.. I just can describe that this month passed with laughter, smile and even tears.. Hopefully the months ahead promises better news..Amin.

I wanna write something...

2009-03-31T23:22:00.010+08:00

Ehem.. Ermmm... Hmmm.... What to publish... Hmmm .. Blank! Nak tulih aper yer.. Well I wanna write.. but dunno what to write.. So enough for the day.. Enough writing for one day...

Ahaaaa... ada idea ... For today I want to declare my love to all my love ones.. If I were to leave this world one day which I believe everyone will when time comes.. I want all this people in my list know how precious they are in my life and I want to say it out loud I REALLY LOVE YOU...

1. THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPEN TO ME IS BEING MARRIED TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE : MOHD AZMANI SAHAR
2. THE PERSON I ALWAYS ADMIRE AND LOOK UP TO AND ALWAYS THERE DURING MY UPS AND DOWNS : MY BELOVED MOM SAMSIAH UDOH..
3. THE WOMAN WHO TAUGHT ME THE MEANING OF PATIENCE : MY MIL SITI MERIAM
4. THE FATHER THAT I LONGED FOR : MY FIL HAJI SAHAR
5. THE PERSON WHO ALWAYS BEING A SISTER I TRUST AND LOVE SO MUCH : DIANA ANAS
6. THE TWO WOMEN THAT MAKE ME FEEL ACCEPTED : ANGAH AZIE AND AZLINA
7. MY BEST FRIEND THAT WANDERING FAR BUT SO CLOSE TO MY HEART : KHADIJAH OTHMAN

Maybe they didn't know or realize it, but they have touched my heart in their own ways. Thank you Allah for let them be part of my life and please Allah give them the happiness they longed for as they have given me happiness that I longed for. Amin.
And that is all I wanna write for today.

The Moment to Celebrate

2009-02-04T23:05:00.003+08:00

As our routine each year, my hubby and myself love to organize 'kenduri kesyukuran' on one of our kid's birthday. Our pledge is each year we'll rotate between the kids.. who's birthday's party will be celebrated as a grand celebration each year. As for Auni, this year the celebration will only be between us in the family... Mama luv both of you ...

I'm so worried regarding the celebration.. This year, as we are moving soon so the budget is rather thight so.. For this year's celebration.. I will cook on my own... Lets show the chef within.. (If only there is inside there somewhere.. ello ello.. comeout laa)

So the trouble is to decide what to cook?? Will it taste good?? Will it be a success.. Will it be enough.. What if this.. What if that.. Huhuhu scary....

Okay the menu in my mind at the moment will be:

1. Special Chicken Rice (the word special is to cover if it doesn't taste like ussual chicken rice that people used to eat..clever huh)
2. Begedil (my maid is expert in making this)
3. Desert- special corn puding (my speciality)
4. Cake
5. Juices

Haaa.. I think that is enough.. Hope its enough.

The guests? How many guests? Hmm.. this part maybe I will let my hubby to decide.

What else? What else? Hmmmm

Indahnya Islam

2009-02-03T22:06:00.005+08:00

This story I adopted from http://saifulislam.com/ I felt so small reading this...

“Dulu, saya dan dua lagi rakan dianggap sebagai pelajar bermasalah. Kami sentiasa memberontak semasa di sekolah. Semua perkara kami tidak setuju. Mungkin semua itu berpunca dari jiwa kami bertiga yang tidak tenteram. Bagai ada sesuatu yang tidak kena dalam hidup ini” Adam memulakan cerita tentang latar belakang keIslamannya.
“Kamu mencari tujuan hidup?” saya bertanya.
“Mungkin. Namun, kami bertiga akhirnya mengambil keputusan untuk berhenti sekolah. Kami bekerja dan gigih mengumpul wang. Selepas setahun, saya dan kawan-kawan mengembara ke arah Timur. Perjalanan kami merentasi Continent dan akhirnya tiba di Turki” kata Adam.
“Di Turki, kami bertemu dengan pelbagai kejutan. Selama ini saya beranggapan bahawa orang Turki ini ganas. Pantang nampak orang Barat, mesti mahu dipancung. Itu yang kami belajar di sekolah. Tetapi semasa di Turki, saya berasa amat terharu kerana tidak pernah seumur hidup, kami bertemu dengan manusia yang begitu memuliakan tetamu dan menghargai diri kami,” Adam bercerita sambil jarinya memintal-mintal benang sejadah.
“Ya, saya faham apa yang kamu maksudkan. Saya sebagai seorang Muslim, turut jatuh hati dengan Turki, kesan kemuliaan terhadap tetamu mereka yang tiada tolok bandingnya. Lantas apa yang berlaku selepas itu, Adam?” saya mahu terus mendengar ceritanya.
Adam memberitahu bahawa, selepas beberapa minggu mereka di Turki, mereka terasa semacam ada perubahan kepada diri. Mereka seolah-olah bertemu dengan ketenangan yang dicari selama ini.
“Kami duduk berbual siang dan malam. Mencari jawapan, apakah sentuhan yang menjadikan orang Turki begitu mulia pekertinya. Setelah melihat perbezaan sekelompok orang Turki dengan sekelompok yang lain, kami yakin bahawa Islamlah yang menjadikan satu pihak di Turki sangat tinggi budi mereka, dan satu pihak yang lain, sama buruk malah mungkin lebih buruk dari orang Eropah di tempat kami,” Adam rancak bercerita.
Saya juga tekun mengikuti bait-bait perkataannya. Accent Irish Utara amat pekat di lidah Adam.
“Selepas pulang ke England, kami bertiga pergi ke Regent Mosque di London dan di situlah kami bertiga melafazkan syahadah!” Adam mengangkat wajahnya kepada saya dan matanya merah menakung tangis.
“Segala puji bagi-Mu ya Allah” saya mengangkat tangan menadah puji untuk-Nya.
Ya, kembara mereka bertiga adalah kembara mencari makna hidup. Keresahan yang Allah campakkan ke dalam jiwa mereka adalah seperti pemaksa agar mereka keluar dari kehidupan yang gelap kepada kecerahan Iman. Resah yang disambut dengan pencarian… berakhir dengan sebuah damai yang lebih berharga dari langit dan bumi serta segala isinya.

TIGA SERANGKAI
“Mana sahabat kamu yang berdua lagi tu?” saya bertanya.
Adam tersentak. Pipi dan telinganya kemerahan. Semacam terkejut dengan soalan saya. Adam terus diam dan matanya redup membendung sesuatu. Mendung luar menambahkan keheningan kami yang tinggal berdua di mihrab masjid. Jemaah lain sudah pulang ke rumah masing-masing atau ke tempat kerja semula.
“Inilah yang ingin saya bincangkan bersama kamu, Imam” Adam menjawab.
“Tentu sekali. Apa yang berlaku?” saya menyoalnya.
“Selepas kami ‘kembali’ kepada Islam, saya dan dua lagi rakan berbincang tentang masa depan kami. Masing-masing mahu melakukan sesuatu yang besar atas kepulangan kami kepada Islam” Adam bercerita.
Istilah REVERT yang memberi makna ‘kembali pulang’ adalah istilah yang lebih suka digunakan oleh masyarakat Barat yang memeluk Islam. Mereka tidak suka menggunakan perkataan CONVERT kerana ia mempunyai konotasi negatif seolah-olah Islam ini mempengaruhi seorang manusia kepada kepercayaannya secara batil. Walhal, memeluk Islam itu sebenarnya adalah kembalinya manusia itu kepada fitrah, acuan Allah yang datang bersama kelahiran setiap insan.
“Jonathan membuat keputusan untuk ke Balkan. Kevin pula membuat keputusan untuk ke Yaman menuntut ilmu.”, kata Adam.
“Dan kamu, Adam?”, saya tertanya-tanya.
“Ya, saya masih di sini. Jonathan dan Kevin sama seperti saya, kami bimbangkan ibu bapa kami. Kami tidak mahu mereka kehilangan kami. Bahkan kami amat mengharapkan supaya mereka juga mendapat petunjuk Allah dan memeluk Islam,” Adam memberikan penjelasan.
“Jadi, kamu semua batalkan hasrat masing-masing?” saya ingin mendapatkan kepastian.
“Tidak. Kevin sekarang ni sudah setahun belajar di Yaman. Dia mencari Sheikh Muqbil,” kata Adam.
“Dan Jonathan… dia sudah selesai perjalanan di dunia ini. Syahid di bumi jihad!” kata Adam kepada saya.
Allahu Akbar! Terkejut saya mendengar cerita Adam itu. Perasaan saya bercampur baur di antara bangga, kagum, sedih dan malu. Saya berasa kagum dengan cerita Adam kerana ia mengingatkan saya kepada perihal ahli sihir Firaun. Paginya mereka kufur, tengah hari mereka beriman dan petangnya pula syahid mempertahankan harga iman. Rahmat Allah ke atas Jonathan, baru setahun dua memeluk Islam, sudah pulang kepada yang Esa dengan cara yang paling mulia.
Tidak sempat dicemar dosa.
Kevin pula membuktikan bagaimana seorang yang mencari Islam, akan tahu harga Islam. Tidak seperti mereka yang diberi Islam umpama kebanyakan kita.

Right vs Wrong

2009-02-02T22:20:00.003+08:00

Boring boring!! Dunno what the hell happen this few days but I sure do have a lot of difficult choices to make!!

1.To be frank and hurt somenone's feeling

To keep it to myself and it definitely will hurt me.

2. To question my boss's decision and jeopardize my yearly performance index

To let go and continue suffering from the injustice.

3. To be selfish and have more time for my own establishment

to help friends from other faculty but struggle to manage the tight schedule.

4. To be strong and tell the dean that I want to study local ASAP for the sake of my family

To follow his decission for me to study abroad and sacrifice my family's feeling.

5. To further my study end of this year /early next year

To further my study after my husband has completed his..

6.What I want to do

What I should do...

Arghh.. I can't think clearly. If only what I want to do is in line with what I should do... things will be much much easier...

HATI SEORANG MERTUA

2009-01-26T13:12:00.011+08:00

Tinta ini mengorak cerita...

Kecilmu,

Ku berikan jiwa atas dasar cinta,

Tangisanmu alunan mengiringi rutinku,

Ku korbankan lelah, keringatku perah,

Agar kau tak mengerti apa itu payah,

Senyummu penawar... Berbaloi segalanya.

Remajamu,

Ku beri ilmu, kau terus maju,

Permintaanmu bisikan semangat buatku,

Ku korbankan lelah, keringatku perah,
Agar kau tak mengerti apa itu payah,

Kejayaanmu penawar... Berbaloi segalanya.

Dewasamu,

Kuberikan kebebasan, kau disaluti ketenangan,

Pilihanmu ku iring sokongan,

Ku korbankan lelah, keringatku perah,
Agar kau tak mengerti apa itu payah,

Kemewahanmu penawar... Berbaloi segalanya.

Dewasamu,

Ku hulurkan segala, Kau dan famili terus bahagia,

Putusanmu masih kuiring sokongan,

Kau terus gembira,

Ku korbankan lelah, keringatku perah,
Agar kau tak mengerti apa itu payah,

Berita darimu penawar... Berbaloi segalanya.

Aku?

Senyumku masih seperti dulu,

Hambar dalam sendu,

Kederatku meronta pohon dimanja,

Jiwaku terus tergadai,

Bahagia yang ku nanti tersimpan dihati,

Berbaloi segalanya?

Terpejam mataku... Selamat tinggal dunia.....

(Definisi hati seorang bapa)...

Last night I overheard the long chat between my hubby and my FIL. I realized that someone so strong can yet be so vulnerable inside. And yet are we there for them to pamper their feeling as they pamper ours. This poem I made on my own as a dedication to a devoted father that I admire. Ya Allah .. please bless us all and let us be a good child for our family.. Ammiin..

Too many things to catch up with......

2009-01-19T15:28:00.009+08:00

Year of 2009 have just started but there are already too many things to catch up... Ayyooo.. what with me nowadays.. getting slower or the time is really getting faster each day.

Year 2009 faculty's activity started with the 3 days 2 nights stay at PD for our family day. Aduyaiii.. soooo tiring. The activities is very tight and yet the Sukaneka was too energatic for mak mak and bapak bapak budak budak to do.. I fell down twice during the activity, alhamdulillah no serious injury just some bruises and terseliuh! So sad that my hubby is not around to help me when I'm injured.. Huhuhu he was working on the day of the occasion.

Two of my roommates, Dila on the right and Kak Ruby the one in the middle. The one on the far left is my vice dean (academic) Prof Jamilah....

We can always judge how was the presentation by looking at the participants' faces...

During the Sukaneka... Felt like it was years back when I last done all the activities that I may consider as Lasak! I'm too scared to jump using the small gelung..

But yet our Dato' was soo energetic..

However our team won first place for overall games in the sukaneka.. Yey yey.. Dato' must be very happy . For the record he was in our team.

The face of victory.. The barbeque was good but maybe the hotel should add more variety to the food served.

Dato' getting ready to enjoy the grilled dishes..
Muka muka kenyang ... makan sampai esofagus ya...
Part of my faculty members..

The tiring faces yet so happy realizing we were going back on that day.
Then back to routine work at the office. While we were busy doing our chores each day.. People in Palestin were fighting for their life. I was so emotionally touched by what happened and still happening in Gaza. To show our support all university's staffs and students gathered together in a perhimpunan aman at Nilai Stadium. The speeches from all representatives were so emotional and touching. Maybe we cannot help directly for the war but we can do our part by donating some of our money or belongings for the victims in Gaza. I strongly believed that eventhough my money doesn't value that much when I'm boicoting items directly related with the Israeilis but yet at least when I leave this world I can answer to Allah that I've tried to do my part by not contibuting to the people that is trying to destroy the muslims.

Everyone was so emotional during the picket. This was my first time joining this kind of event so it was a little bit scary for me.

The start of 2009

2009-01-06T21:34:00.009+08:00

On the first day of the year 2009 suddenly me and my hubby have this weird nationalism spirit.. We discussed about our country and best of all regarding my recent students. Thinking about the medical students and the dental students nowadays made me worried. Why? Because I know that they are smart students, brilliant students but I'm not sure why they didn't do very well in the previous examination. Maybe the spirit is just not there and they are just not appreciating the opportunity that they had being selected as medical std or dental std they should feel greatful and make the best out of it. Then we started remembering about our own relatives, basically more towards his relatives since I'm the only child in my family.. Thinking about our beloved niece (Kak Yong), my hubby started to have the idea of giving his niece the early exposure of what is it like being a uni student. Besides his intention of buying her few books to get ready for the coming PMR. So of we go to KakNgah's house to fetch her up.

Bringing her to work is great! She's nice and sometimes it feels great listening to stories from a 14 year old girl, after all I was way past that age. Mak Aih... I'm getting older laaa..... She went into 1 of my tutorial and a behavioral science class discussion. Hope she got the idea. She seems energetic and spirited, then I guided her to make her own schedule and to write down her pledge to herself. While having our lunch, my office mate did mention to us regarding the Aquaria at KLCC and Kak yong seems interested in going so I decided to bring her there jst to make her enlightened a bit before going back to school.

Love the trip there .. Here are some pics we have taken but the quality of the pics is not so good bcoz no flash is allowed..

Sapa besar Auni ker fish nih

Em sure we look so yummy to the piranha.....

The fishes look so delicious .. Bakar pun sodappp..

Mamosa.. cutenyerrrr

But the worst part is my son is scared to almost everything that's larger than his palm... Haih...

Simple Malaysian Life?

2008-12-31T23:50:00.004+08:00

Ever heard of that quote? The simple Malaysian life... Well I'm not certain whether the people who wrote it meant it or it is just a plain sentence that people wrote because it sounds good. As for me I believed there is nothing simple in Malaysian life especially when we practice the culture brought by our ancestors. Let us just focus on the 'Adat Resam' without touching the religous part because in Islam is simple and the best way of life undeniable!

Regarding Malaysian culture.. past few weeks I helped in 'merewang' for an aqiqah at my IL hometown at Kuala Pilah. The first think I had in mind when my hubby told me regarding the occasion, I thought that it will be a simple doa selamat occasion with some servings to the guests as we are going to sembelih 2 goats. But.. It is not as simple as what I had in mind... Gosh.. hmm.. what is the word to describe it..EXTRAVAGANZA..maybe that may describe the occasion all together..

2 Tents were set up for the purpose of the Aqiqah so that may give you the idea of how big the occasion is .

However the best part of all was everyone were so curteous in lending helping hands to help making the kenduri a big success. Despite all the hard work, everyone is still being able to smile during and after the kenduri so no matter how complicated our culture is as long as we enjoy I think its OK..

My BIL still smiling after washing piles of dishes.. The Orang Kuat for this time kenduri since his 2 other brothers were not around.

One Day Outing

2008-12-28T21:39:00.009+08:00

During my mother's visit to our house last holiday, we went for a one day outing at Zoo Negara.. Sounds not so interesting but this one day outing is worth it.. Because my kids really enjoying it. But the toughest challenge was suddenly on that particular morning my boy showed symptoms of flu... Alamak.. but after further deliberation we decided to carry on with the plan and as for Arif we'll minimized his activities so that he won't get worse.

Auni is trying to push his brother around..

So the simplest way we can tought of is using the stroller for Arif.. Hehehe Auni is so jealous because his brother got to sit but she really enjoy walking and running. So no big deal!

Abah is actually more exited than the kids.. Hehehe he is actually trying to hide his exitement.

Few snaps of unique features that we encountered..

1. Guess what is this picture all about?? This is actually an ape trying to show off his back side.. He actually succeeded attracting most of the visitors

2. Guess how many turtles were there?

Answer.. 3.. Hahahaha check out the picture below so you will have a clearer idea and a better angle of what actual happen so that I don't have to describe further.

Free tiger show for today..

I salute my daughter because she kept on walking and running during the trip without complaining or making any attitude.. The only time she'll let us carry her is for taking picture and at the aquarium because she is too short to see.
This is a funny shot because we just been back from my sister's kenduri aqiqah and the kids have seen goats for real, yet Abah got so exited to pose with a goat at the zoo..

Which one is bigger the fish or Auni??

Maybe Arif is wondering about his future.. Heheheh..He was actually under the influenced of his medications so that what made him looked tired and sleepy. But Arif behaved very well and responded to the animals that he encountered today, just that he was not as active as he used to be. Cian anak mama.

We finished sightseeing after walking from 1.00 pm till 4.00pm... Fuhh. legaaa.. As for Arif and Auni.. it is now time for a deep nap...

Induksi

2008-11-30T11:57:00.013+08:00

Arghh... I need to sit for an induction course in order to be confirm!! Huhuhuhu... 3 weeks of ulang alik to Nilai seems so tiring to me. But the bright side is I have 3 whole weeks free from any task from the office. Hehehehe.. good luck to those at the office!

The part 1 is my story of my first 3 days of induction. I met lovely and nice people there from different department and from different faculties. There are lecturers, management staffs and also support staffs... Hmm great to know you guys.

There's a gurl sitting next to me is actually a junior at UKM, she's a doctor now .. very young doctor and lucky for her she's now doing her master in clinical (O&G). Well a very young specialist she will be one day. Good for her and good for the nation. She likes to tell lots of stories and as for me I like to listen. What I can conclude is different people has gone through different expirience in life so all the stories I got from friends at the course making me more greatful on how lucky I am to be who I am now. Hope they will feel the same thing.

And this gurl is my another neighbour.. I call her Wan, she is as sweet as you can see her smiling.. She's from the academic side, being a graduate from UIA in Bachelor of Eng Study made her a very witty and knowledgeable person. What I like about Wan is her laugh always make me wanting to laugh with her and also her sporting character.. CHayyo' chayyo' Wan go on with the positive attitude..

Day 4- Day 10 Induksi

Bla bla bla babble babble babble thats what happen all the way during induksi, ceramah and more ceramah each day... Tapi that's not yet the worst part... The worst part i can say is the silly tasks given to us... Let's not elaborate too detail about the s***** tasks.. Let's not focus about the negative part too much. I just want to remember the good part. At first I never thought that I can be connected with the guys sitting infront of me. My first impression is they are serious and no fun at all.. Hehehe.. maybe because of the Ustaz tittle brought by one of them (Aizuddin) and Fizi seems sooo quiet.

But the impression seems to be gone with time when we started to chat and share our stories.. Fun to know about the sport's man (Mazilan- the one in the middle) stories regarding all his past experience as a Malaysian lawn ball player. The idea of being a friend with someone directly related with international sport never cross my mind before but now I can say I'm officially a friend of one of the athlete.. Walaupun ex pon kire orait laa tuuu..

The Ustaz I mentioned before is the one on the left.. seems like a nice boy huh.. One thing I can comment regarding this 23 year old bro is his pe'el is not as matured as he looks like. If one day Aizuddin read this .. jgn marah nooo.. You should see him in action acting during the final presentation as a sissy boy.

As I've described the induksi is not all bad.. I learned a lot about our country and I learned alot of things that may improve my interpersonal skills ...besides even sometimes I do feel bored, at least I have time to polish my skill in drawing.. punya laaa banyak my drawings masa induksi tuh.. One more thing during this induksi there's one activity where I have been given task to create a poem that basically describing our group, by the way our group name is Quartza..catchy huh?.. and here goes...

Demi agama

Demi bangsa

Demi negara

Kami bangkit bagai permata

Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire dan Topaz

Berbeda warna dan juga fungsinya

Pembangunan, perpustakaan dan juga akademia (its actually describing members of the group's working field)
Berbeda tanggungjawab misinya sama

Quartza bersatu

Menjunjung ilmu

Mendidik ummah terus maju

Allahu Akbar..

What do you think.. Maybe I can consider a future as a poet kot... hehehhehe.

Or maybe a sketcher...

Hasil seni ku

Towards end of induksi

Today will leave me with 2 more days for induksi. Harapnyer everything that starts well will end well. What I will really miss is all the good friends I met during induksi, Dr Zaireena the O&G postgrad student that gave birth before being able to finish this course, Wan Nadihah my good friend from academic wing, Aizuddin the naughthy and talkative yet shy 23 year old cikgu bahasa arab that sitting infront of me, Mazilan the sport man, Fizi the nice pustakawan is getting married soon.. hope you will be happily wed, kak anita and kak ainur that sit behind me... Dr Rushdan the vice dean of FKP that's also the chief for our induksi group, Dr Zainab the paeditrician and her husband Dr Burhan the romantic couple for this induksi, all my fellows colleagues from FPSK my dear roommate Dilla, my dear friend Rasyidah and also our assist. registrar Pn Mazlen and also all the lab staffs.. Last but not least all the members in this induksi that I didn;t mention personally, you guys are great! Hope this friendship and bond will remain till the end of time.. Ops one more hope everyone will pass the test this 26th of March 2009...Ammin

My lovely groupmates.. fun and energetic..

Cuti-cuti Malaysia 2008

2008-11-24T13:01:00.004+08:00

It's almost end of 2008, alhamdulillah despite with all the workloads and the tight timetable, I am still able to go for my cuti cuti M'sia... Hmm early this year I spent 5 days with my family at Langkawi. Beautiful island seriously and thanks to Tun Mahathir he had made this island as an asset to our country with the preserve nature and also the preserve historical places. I spent 2 nights at Berjaya Hotel and Resort! Fuh... 5 star bebeh, really world class, the concept is brilliant, it is like a service chalet, the chalet is either in the wood for anyone that enjoy living with the nature and for those beach lovers there are also chalets near the beach and not just that the chalet is on the water. So you can sleep with the sound of the breeze.. Really relaxing but absolutely it will cost you more for that kind of chalet. As for me the stay is sponsored..My kids really enjoying the trip.. Thank you to my boss.. Thank you Prof .. we really appreciate the free stay you provided to us. Really first class. We spent more time enjoying the nature and visiting the historical places rather than going for shopping so for the trip to Langkawi I can rate this holiday as my 4 star holiday!

The coster that will bring us to our chalet and around the resort because they want to preserve the nature so no other cars are allow to enter the resort area. All cars will be parked at the parking lot provided.

Merdeka Palace hotel (this is where the conference is held)

One of the good thing being a lecturer is that we have the opportunity to go for seminars or conferences or workshops to sharpen our skill and knowledge beside also being able to build up linkages with other academicians. The trip is fully sponsored and yet beside of the professional agenda we can also take it as an opportunity for a holiday! This year I went for a seminar at Kuching, because I'm going alone so my mother accompanied me there. The seminar is awesome many academicians were there and also people from the industries. Love it! Love the people and also the info! Since it had been 2 years I didn't go to Sarawak so I took the opportunity to fulfill this trip with going to interesting places at Sarawak. I went to the cultural village Sarawak and also Sarikei. The best part at the cultural village is the daily cultural show held there. We went to see the one hour show and I love it very much. We were served with the various dances from different tribes at Sarawak. We were showed the way of using the 'sumpit' and we also can try it on our own. At Sarikei I did shop till I drop.. not because I bought too much but because there was so many people and I felt slightly dizzy and as if I'm going to faint. Thank goodness my mother is around. However I rank this trip as 2 stars because I missed my hubby and my kids very much, holiday without them is no fun! And yet it is also a wrong timing for holiday because it was raining season we have difficulties to travel from place to place.

Rumah panjang (just imagine the stairs memang balak yang virgin laa kirenyer)

Then just last week I went to Port Dickson for a holiday with my family. Arif loves going picnic very much so this is for my kids to enjoy. The weekend is so much fun. Eventhough it is just so near from home but the feeling of having everyone making that weekend so cheerful!

Next week another seminar at Penang and my whole family will be going with me.. Just can't wait for it. I think that maybe our last cuti cuti Malaysia for this year agaknya... As for next year I hope my application to present my paper at Dublin will be accepted. If so then Dublin here I come with my hubby of course.. hehehehe Ammin

My True Gems

2008-10-28T20:57:00.005+08:00

At last I can have my own sweet time in front of the computer. Each day I hardly have time to write anymore at my blog... Alhamdulillah, today is for me to enjoy writing to myself all the thoughts I have stored in my head. Actually it is 9.00pm at night ussually it is time for me to read with the kids and my hubby, but today I tuned to channel 613 so my kids are so busy watching their fav series tigger and pooh so here I am drift in my own world... As for my beloved hubby, pitty him, today he fasted but then after maghrib he had severe headache and nausea ( I bet because of the hypoglycemia due to fasting.. emmm.. maybe the hot weather did contribute his symptoms as well). So let him sleep and have all the rest he needed before the symptoms got worst.

Coming back today, fasting is really tiring esp with the hot weather today! Arriving at the door I was welcomed by Arif, my son.

"Akum ma.." Peace upon you, greet my boy with his own langguage.

"Waalaikumussalam," I replied smiling and all my tiredness were swept away by the smile of my son welcoming me home. Auni was being dressed up by my maid after her regular 'business', cried up loud Mama!Mama! and with only in her pampy she ran towards me.. My heart melt with the warm welcome I got from my kids. Nothing in this world can trade with the happiness I'm feeling at the moment. They are really the gems of my life.

Today I want to write everything about my gems.

Starting with Arif..

Being bornt 3 weeks earlier than the EDD, 18th of February 2006 had been the historical day for me as everything was the first time for me. That was my first delivery and that was the first day I am officially a mother. Arif had been a nice boy since day one, but the only thing that stressing me was each time he cried, he seems like screaming. My patience was really tested during early months of taking care of Arif. Now Arif was already 2 and half year old, but he still inable to speak with proper sentences.. My friends and my mother always encourage me to be patient by telling me that it is part of the different stages of children development. My motherly instinct tells me that there's nothing to worry about since Arif's development at the moment is normal and he has no problem at all but when my inlaws keep on asking about Arif.. they are making me more worry. Arif has a lot of brotherly quality that I'm really proud of.. he loves his sister very much and he is really concern of his sister's welfare. I'm proud to say that he really respect his father very much, when his father is sleeping he will never disturb his father and no one can make he do so. He is able to count up to twelve now, he loves learning ABC and besides that he loves learning alif ba ta..I'm proud of you my boy.. Till now, taking care of Arif is not that difficult since he is obedient, he follows rules that we made and best of all he is particular of the cleanliness (his and also the house..)..

Six months after Arif was bornt, I was pregnant again. At first I'm terribly worried.. can I manage it all?? Being a mother to a boy had been a lot of tension to me already and I can't help thinking that I'm a lousy mother since sometimes I do felt stressed up. I prayed to Allah to help me go through all the days and to show me the right path of being a good mother.

16th of April 2007, Auni Batrisyia was bornt to this world and as her brother she was bornt 3 weeks prior to the actual EDD. Arif had given me the sufficient expirience on how to take care a baby so I've learnt my lesson and taking care of AUni had been a brief. Auni was a total different to Arif, she is more active and more talkative.Now she's one and a half year old and she is already developing sentences and she likes to talk.. and alot... Auni is more mischievious than he brother, she likes to try new things and develop her own game. Yet her cousins and even her brother will follow her way. Her best quality is she always know how to make people laugh with her cute expressions... But sometimes she really makes me angry because she loves to mess up things and she loves to pick on her brother.. And watching them fight is really tiring for me...

Well enough for now about this kids.. I can go on all night writing everything abou them but tomorrow is working day so I need to rest and sleep.. I hope I can fulfil each day of my life with special moments with my true gems.. I can't imagine being apart from them.. arghh.. next week I'm going to Sarawak for 5 days for a conference.. I'm looking forward to present my paper there but still... 5 days without my kids.... huhuhuhuhu sedeynyer...

Before I forgot I have another gem that I forgot to mention.. I love you honey my HUBBY..mmuah..

MY MAID...!!

2008-09-03T15:36:00.002+08:00

Last weekend was my cuti cuti malaysia weekend. I went back to Sg petani at my mom's resthouse. Best! Best! Unfortunately my weekend was ruin by an incident and my ungrateful arrogant plus no manners MAID!

The incident started when I went shopping for some groceries with my hubby and my mom, so I told her to look after my kids while I'm gone. Then.... just imagine, tired with carrying all the items bought I was supprised by amatures sketches all over the wall by my boy. Trying to calm down I asked my maid... basically it happen like this (kalau tertambah tertolak its actually my limitation of remembering):

"Bibi, kat mana masa budak tadi main pensel?" I asked her with a low tone voice.

" Ada di situ tapi tak perasan lah" she answered. Tak perasan? how come you tak perasan what his doing when you are just there as if my house too big. FYI the house is just a single storey terrace house.

" Macammana laa Is bleh tak perasan, kan bahaya tuh kalau conteng dinding jer takper buatnyer dier cucuk mata dier ker adik dier ker , cucuk telinga ker kan bahaya tu" She kept quiet but showing me the furious look. Then I continued trying to clean up the mess done, but she kept quiet without saying sorry or helping me erasing the sketches.

"Is tolong laa saya cuci nih, Is nih tak tengok pun.." Then with one sentence she burst to me.

"Macamla saya nih tak ada keja lain! Saya nih menyapu rumah ! Menjaga berak budak tuh .. bla bla bla.. " She raised her voice and babble towards me. I was so shocked and I felt like screaming back to her. I think she had forgotten her place and yet she should remember that I had bared lots of things about her and yet look what did I get in return??

I was so pissed off but I treated her as normal as I can be, thinking about the two kids under her care. But immediately I called my agent to replace her as soon as possible. Hopefully everything will be settled by this weekend. And yet till now she is still treating me with silent treatment? Well who is the boss in the first place??

Her requests to me before:

1. insist of having holiday.

2. insist of going back to indon on next hari raya.

3. the first week insist of buying maggi, I bouht maggi then saying that she wants mamee slurp. Bought mammee slurp the next week insist of having mee sedap.

4. Request for ikan masin. Bought! But then 'Tak sedap laa ikan masin tuh hapak!' Just imagine how I felt.

5. Ajinomoto. Bought!

6. Telepon. Bought her the ring ring card, 2 months staying with me 2 ring ring card i have given her and yet now when the bill arrived she made calls outside without asking for permission or telling me!

Argghhh thats it ! Next time around no more miss nice to you!

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

2008-08-25T08:10:00.003+08:00

The coming week will be the sacred month for muslimin and muslimat all over the world. Alhamdulillah .. being blessed with another ramadhan, syukur.. This year's Ramadhan I pledge to myself, I will try my best to fill it with ibadah, Ammin. Looking back all the previous Ramadhans that I've been through I realize how neglegance I am towards the month full of blessing!

My pledge for this Ramadhan insyaAllah:

1. Khatam Qur an

2. Not skipping the tarawih..

3. No gossiping

Well only 3 pledges I can think of at the moment. Cannot put too much on the pledges.. hehehe scared if I can't fulfill it.

In the name of Allah, the most Merciful, the most Kind
A blessed month is casting its shadow upon us

A night of this month is better than a thousand months

Bear with patience for the sake of Ar-Rahman

It's a continuous training to strengthen our Imaan.
Glory be to Allah who sent Ramadan as a mercy to mankind

Its a purification of our soul, our heart, and our mind

With the most sincere devotion and love we fast

To be cleansed and free from sins of the past
Glorified is He, who choseth this holy month,

To test our patience and fill our hearts with warmth

Of his Divine Light, His blessings shall glow,

The Seer of the unseen, all He does know
Ya Allah! For thee, let my breath be more pleasant than musk

Ya Allah! For thee, let me be thankful when day turns to dusk

My thoughts and heart are purified, my eyes truly see

'This blessed month, the month of spiritual rhapsody!
Ya Allah! For thee, my life I shall live!

Ya Allah! For thee, my soul I shall give!In the name of Allah, the most Merciful, the most Kind,Praise be to Allah, who sent Ramadan as a gift to mankind

(Adapted from Ya Ramadhan by Noor Syed)

Don't you just understand?

2008-08-21T08:44:00.003+08:00

'Tomorrow i still don't have to go to work since the schedule stated I'm not involve with any surgery!' Told my dear hubby.

'Ok, then have fun .. you are considered on leave .. heheheh' I giggled responded to his exciting news.

'It had been three days staying at home, I'm bored.. what if I accompany you to your office and I can study there..' He responded.

I kept quiet thinking, I have doubt that he might get bored but the thought of having someone to talk at the office and having my beloved ones closed by my side is so intriguing. Furthermore he is the one that suggested it..

'Ok, up to you but what if you got bored, I suggest you bring along another laptop for you just in case you got bored' I responded back trying to be as supportive as possible.

After further discussion I agreed for him to come along and since he is going for his overnight locum, I'm okay with going to the office a little bit later then ussual in order to wait for him.

This morning I woke up at 5 as ussual, took my sahur and cleaned my room, I chose the best outfit that I can think of, well I want to look pretty if walking beside my hubby.. I'm not sure why but the idea that he wanted to come to work with me is making me happy. I waited and waited, at 7.30 he arrived home.

'Eh why are you still here?' he asked.

'Well.. I'm waiting for you,'

'Haven't you received my message? '

Then I stood up seeking for my hp, by then I realized he just sms me at 6.30 that he is not going with me because he wanted to stay home. I'm not sure why but the sms did break my heart. he should be more sensitive about his wife, at least give a call to assure that I got the message. I've wasted my time just to wait for him when I can just go to work as early as I used to do! It may seem simple but it is not! I rushly took my handbag and before going out to work I said to him :

'Thank you for doing this to me'

But while driving I regret saying that to him .. I just want him to know that I'm really hurt.. that's all! I love him so much yet the simplest thing hurt so bad.

I arrived at the office trying to be as positive as possible after what happened at home. But I'm just not in the mood. While writing this blog suddenly I got a call from UKM, my former Uni where I got my masters from. Its regarding the RM 750! Before this UKM told me that I've overpaid my study fees. Happy knowing that I'll be having extra RM750 end of this month, I've in mind of how I'm going to spend it. But again I've got my heart broke for the second time in the same day hearing that they called to tell they have made a mistake because they actually haven't updated the final fees! Ya Allah dah setahun maaaa!!!! UKM management sucks!

So I'm really not in the mood today and here I am at the office but writing for my blog and not doing my work!! Hopefully things will get better after this.

The certificate of life

2008-08-13T06:07:00.005+08:00

As it is compulsary, I went for an award giving ceremony, the VIP who gave the opening speech talked about the increasing cost of life. Bla bla bla babble babble babble inclusively or I'd rather say exclusively regarding how the government have spent so much money on assuring the jails in Malaysia is good enough catering all the criminals and the best part was he mentioned that the inmates are 60% foreigners. I'm not sure which part of the speech is related with yesterdays' ceremony but then summarizing all he said we as proffesionals should reduce the cost for everything to help the government easen the burden and in order to do so, we should reduce our expenses on going to 'irrelavent' courses. The so call irrelavent courses include management courses and other courses that I myself is not clear which course is relavent and which is not! We don 't need certificate and formal training to make us capable, that is what he mentioned.
But...... back to what happen in real life...
Situation one:
"Camana nak bagi you kompom jawatan.. pi kursus pun malas"
Situation two:
"Boss kenapa I cannot be considered for the promotion. Kenapa dia dapat pulak dapat kenaikan, kitorang punya kelayakan sama aper.."
"Oh yes, regarding that, he is more qualified because he had undergone the ..... course, I know you are as good but still the cert tu orang top management nak tengok.."
Eventhough I just made up the situations above, but still that is what happen in the real life today. We are being pressure to keep our life simple but yet we are being judged by the number of certs that we have. So where's actually our value?

Overcoming challenges

2008-08-06T14:40:00.004+08:00

You gain strength, courage and confidence in every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

eleanor roosevelt

Wise man?

2008-08-01T11:02:00.003+08:00

Wise man says only fools rush in and I can't help falling in love with you.... Quote and unquote. Wise man says this.. wise man says that.. bla bla bla .. I'm not trying to be a pesimist but does a wise man really exist in this world.. How are we defining wise anyway? Come on ... After analyzing most quotations from either my friends or the people I know, I conclude that ussually we are using this quotation of wise man says.... when we think we agrees in part of what he is saying. So, do the people that we think is right is considered as wise, what about the people who gives opinion that is not inline with us, what about that? Are they wise too... so eventhough the definition of wise is 'Having knowledge; knowing; enlightened; of extensive information; erudite; learned.' I believed that people including of even myself will have our own definition on who is wise and who is not... Confusing huh...

The gloom within me

I'm seeking for words of wisdom to be shared by a wise person to overcome my doubts and the indecisive within me. But who is that wise person?

The difficult path to move forward

2008-07-31T09:29:00.003+08:00

I'm all stressed out !!!!! I consider today as a bad day for me and I'm all stressed out! Maybe I've woke up from the wrong side of the bed.. I don't know.. sigh..... Feel like screaming out loud.. AAAARRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waking up this morning it seems as normal as each day I 've been through. But the thought of a good sunny day clouded with a single call from my colleague.

"Emm.. , saya nak tanya la pasai research you ari tuh .. camana yer, dah lulus semua ke. tengah buat ke dah siap."

"Oooo research tu, tengah on going, tengah buat tapi consent sumer dah lulus dah, satu tuh tinggal analise data satu agi tuh next month collect patient samples. Naper Dr?

"Takder ari tuh saya pegi meeting 4P pastuh diorang mcam blur jer, saya pun saja laa tanya."

"Susahnyer, saya cuma nak daftar jer geran semua pun dah ada. Takkan tuh pun susah"

"Takder lah tak susah.."

End of conversation!

But deep inside me I just can't let it go. I need to know more details regarding what is he talking about. What is the problem and why is it so difficult for me to get through just the matter of registering my research. Still trying to think possitive I called up 4P, the department incharge.

"Hello Liza 4P yer.. Saya nak tanya pasal projek saya yang saya nak daftarkan ari tu, ada apa apa masalah ke?"

"Hmm.. pasal projek tu kiter dah masukkan dalam meeting untuk proses akuan sahaja, tapi Datuk TNC tetiba suruh semua lecturer yang mohon nih untuk tuliskan dalam format FRGS la pulak, dia kata nak biasakan lecturer."

"Tapi saya bukan nak mintak geran FRGS lagipun ari tuh tak bagitau mender nih."

"Tulaaa tuh tetiba masa meeting tu dia baru cakap, takpa kitorang cuba mintak yang kali nih dilepaskan tengok macammana. Kalau kena isi pun kita akan masukkan dalam mesyuarat khas untuk cepatkan proses."

"Laaa.. kenapa macam ni pulak, saya kecewa laa keadaan macam ni, saya masuk dengan ada research sekali dan saya diberitahu proses untuk confirmation pun bergantung kepada research, tapi bila saya ada research dan dapat geran luar pihak uni macam tak sokong pulak. Camana leh jadik camtuh."

"Takpa laa nanti kiter cuba sort out tengok macammana ye, mender nih tak confirm agi."

"Ok apa apa bgtau saya, tenkiu.."

End of a frustrating conversation!

Can you imagine how this world work! Why do we have to make things complicated... when there's easier root to follow? Why are we trying to burden people with unnecessery things when there are other main concerns. Why are we closing our eyes to the benefits brought just to satisfy unnecessary intentions! Why do Malays aren't helping Malays when other races are trying their best to push their own race to the front.

You conclude yourself!

my day is as gloomy as the night

Looking at the world through the eyes of our children

2008-07-30T08:45:00.004+08:00

"Hadis Abu Syuraih Al-Khuza'iy r.a: Nabi s.a.w bersabda: Sesiapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan Hari Akhirat, maka hendaklah dia berbuat baik kepada jiran tetangganya. Sesiapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan Hari Akhirat, maka hendaklah dia memuliakan para tetamunya. Sesiapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan Hari Akhirat, maka hendaklah dia bercakap hanya perkara yang baik atau diam" Quote and unquote

Last 2006 I moved to an apartment in Klang, it is a nice yet confy house for me and my family but the only limitation is we didn't have any neighbour. After 1 year longing for a neighbour, alast Allah granted my wish. Very happy to see that they are young Malay couple with a daughter aged just like my first son, I tried to be as friendly as possible to them. I tried to create a topic to talk to and even trying not to miss smiling whenever we bump into each other. But it seems rather weird.. my hospitality seems to be unwelcomed. At first I tried to be very positive, so I thought maybe they were still in the stage of adapting with the new environment but then the situation continues until today. Even when we are in the lift together they prefered not to chat nor even look at us. Well that's it! I think ,, enough trying and no more mr nice for you. So I let it be and play along the game of silence that they created.

Few months back, when I was just about to go to work, their daughter was infront of the house watching my every steps, I used to choose no to look at their territory but who could resist a child's eye. I looked at her just to see that she's actually redied with a smile and been waiting for me to look at her and smile back. My heart melt seeing her and she even say hi to me in her own baby talk, I waved at her and she giggled happily. While walking, I realized that the smile is still locked at my lips and she made me starts the day with a warm hearted.

Last week, my mother in law spent one week at my house just to assure that my new maid is doing all the chores as she should be. When my m.i.l brought both auni and arif out just to play at the playground, it was just in time that my neighbour had opened her gate to go out, her daughter ran out to my son Arif, and tried to play with my son. My son as ussual was very happy seeing someone his age. The girl called her "Abang .. abang..." and my son is smiling very happy to meet new friend. But then the mother came and just took her daughter away without even saying hi to my m.i.l. That was so impolite! Again.. listening to my M.i.l story, deep inside I can imagine that, even how the adults react unmaturedly, for the kids I believed that from my son's eye he didn't see the girl next door as a daughter to a cocky mom and dad, but he only sees her as a friend. And even greater, aside from the parents trying to isolate their child from the others in the neighbourhood, their daughter is sending the message to everyone that she has a warm heart and she is sending her love to everyone with just a simple smile.

Thinking back of all the sequel of events happened..I'm so lucky because as a parent I have the ability to see the world through my child's eyes. Most of us are guilty of not taking the time to truly appreciate it. But, every once in a while our children will exhibit the characteristics of discovery loud enough for us to stop and take notice. This time it happens to me and I silently promise I will try not to give up hope and our morale values just for a very selfish reason. Thank you kids! If only the children can spread their love loud enough for the world to listen.. the world would be a better place for us to live in.....

2008-07-16T09:52:00.003+08:00

I've started the semester at my new uni with lectures to the dental students. They are good students, everyone seems really interested in the subject and even better they were very active in my few previous classes. Hopefully their exam result will be as good.

My daily routines nowadays are so hectic! Eventhough I tried my best to put everything on schedule so that I won't be missing out anything but still there's a lot of things to do. Aside from lecturing, practical sessions, tutorials sessions bla bla bla.. I haven't settled the exam questions and also the tutorial questions...Oh my oh my ... And yet the research is also starting off.. we will start collecting patients next month! The presentations for previous research will also be coming soon, this november and disember but the the final submission date for completed extended abstract is by early next month!!! Arghh... my brain is like cramped by all the thinking need to be done!

Ok better start doing it this instance!

Years back when ....

2008-06-19T08:28:00.003+08:00

Well well well... the starting of a new semester at all higher educational intitutes. I bet the students will be so eager in starting the new semester especially the freshies. Why not.. it is the starting of a new expirience for them. Not just them but also to me.. this is also the starting of a new expirience for me since this will be the first semester for me to teach at USIM. After 6 years in this academic world the excitement of facing a new semester is still there. Each semester promises a new experience that will always be an additional tepisode in the diary of my life.

Starting at the age of 22 as a tutor is quite early I think. But that is what I am, blessed with a job that I love so much after I graduated on 2002. That was the best year (at least until today) that I can remember, I met bunch of great friends that are really helpful and eventhough we've been far apart now, we still keeping in touch with each other. That is the year I learned on how to teach and also managerial work. There's limitations when we are in a small university that is still growing, we have to be a multi tasking person! So I did the work from teaching to sending letters for the dean.. But life is easy at the time, I never bothered of coming back to work early, I didn't mind staying back untill 11.00pm settling documentations for the LAN with my colleagues. And that is how it had been all that years. Alhamdulillah the university did grow bigger and bigger, at first I thought to myself that alhamdulillah, things is getting better and better each day but, then I realize its not! Things is worsen! Eventhough more students is coming in, additional staffs is there to help... life is getting more stressful for me! The management kept on changing and so did the policy, confusion is always there and even worse there's no staff development policy. My beloved prof , I mean the dean that I really look up to left the institution because of the problems. It was the starting of a torturious day of my life. The limit is when one of my dear colleague being the dean. I thought it will get better since he is once my friend and he knew the difficulties we were facing and all the sacrifice made by the staff. But yet, he changed! It was like I never knew him before, and that really hurts.

However, in every clouds there's always a silver lining, so with all the problems I did manage to get my masters degree and that is right on time when I decided to let go of the institution that raised me up and build up my character. I left, for a better future, I hope.

Until today I still prayed that my 'friend' will change and being the real friend that everyone like before.

DILEMMA

2008-06-12T08:10:00.001+08:00

TRUST is a big word for me. Doing it is not as easy as saying it. I'm in the midst of settling all the documents for a maid. However, because I'm desperately inneed of someone to take care of my kids, my agent has been so kind enough to lend me the available maid at her house to help me meanwhile waiting for the real one. Alhamdullillah ....

First day

It was Sunday, me and husband wake up quite late at 9.30am (earlier we had already wake up for our prayers). We wake up seeing she's already up doing the house chores. Then the training begun... I told her everything that I can remember about my big boy Arif and cheeky Auni. I listed all the important schedule that she ought to follow because my kids are well trained and they have a very accurate timing for their meals and daily nap. I felt relief when bibik (the maid) seems to understand. I can see that she likes to talk and alot! But, realizing she's the one going to handle my kids eventhough temporarily, I bare with her interest in talking. What good about her habit is at least I know more about her, and it is well known when we talk too much all the things she tried to keep out from me were revealed. Example in her pasport was stated that she is 45 years old but looking at her I knew she's much much older than that, so I asked. Realizing that I'm suspicious she told me that the truth is she's 49. But still I bet she's older than that! I'm used of cooking so she doesn't need to do any cooking, I'll cook for my family including her.

The schedule for my kids are easy:

5.ooam - time for milk, both of them (this one I and my husband take turns doing it ourselves)

9.00 am - waking up, take their bath and eat some biscuits or milk, then just let them play as

they like.

11.30am- meal time (usually I cooked them porridge)

12.30pm- nap time .. actually it is more like day sleep because it will take them 3 hours of

sleeping

3.00pm- waking up, eat their meal (everything is readied), then let them play

6.00 pm - biscuits time and bath time.

Then I ussually came home right after they have settled bathing or starting to bath. After I'm at home every responsibility on the kids are mine again. She just need to do all the house chores. Not that hard huh?

Second day

I woke up at 5.15am as ussual to cook and settled to work. She is still asleep, no problem for me I'm used of doing my thing alone. Then it is 6.15am she's still sleeping ?? So I wake her up. Then she woke up prayed and I remind her to take a good care of my baby. 6.30 off I go to work. I came back around 6.30pm, my kids were bathed and they seems quite happy so I'm ok with that. At 10.00pm I told the bibik to go to sleep because I need her to wake up earlier tomorrow.

Third day

As ussual I woke up very early settling everything and guess what,.. even on the third day she can't manage to wake up early. 6.15am I woke her up, but she only woke up at 6.30am! Just the right time as I'm readily going to work! Oh my gosh! I thought to myself who is the real maid in this house?! What so difficult, I've settled everything from the food to washing clothes. She just need to take care of my kids and hang up the washed clothes. Why can't she wake up earlier just to help me a little bit in getting ready the items to cook. I came back earlier that day bringing back with me all the work to be settled at home. What amazing about her is when I'm home, she immediately like off work. Time to punch out .. I bet that what she's thinking when I came home. But still my patience is there, aside from telling her to do all the the chores, I just kept quiet.

Fourth day

Bla bla bla.. the routine, no need for me to write again.. and she's also continuing her ussual routine that is she will wakes up on my effort to wake her up. Coming back from work at 6.00 pm, without changing, immediately I cooked the dinner for my hubby since he's going locum at 6.45pm. As ussual when I came back my kid s will be all over me hoping that I'll spend time playing with them, but how can I need to settle the dinner. They are crying and screaming for me while I'm at the kitchen. I figured where's bibik, well she's taking her own sweet time at her room and then just sat beside them doing nothing. Oh please... at least go and play with them!

Worst is at night I realized that Arif (my boy) had a low gred fever. So while I'm busy settling aArif, giving him his medication and sponging him, Auni (my baby gurl) is crying for attention. It is very handful for me to play with Auni while sponging Arif. I can manage to do that ! but this is the reason I need a maid to help me ease my burden... As for the bibik!! She went to her room, and switched off the lamp and went to sleep... How could she sleep when I really need someone to help me. Well that's it.. this weekend I definitely going to talk to her seriously. Oh please let me have the courage to face all this.

So no need to write further... The conclusion is, it is so difficult to find someone I can trust and how can I trust her taking care of my kids when I'm at work! I really hope for someone to work honestly with dignity. I prayed for a good maid @ helper when my real maid arrived!

My Hero..

2008-06-09T13:28:00.002+08:00

With great power comes great responsibility.. Quote and unquote the phrase from our favourite movie spiderman... So who are the superheroes in this real life? Who are those with great power? If I pop this questions to my kids.. definitely the idea of wonderwoman... spider man... batman etc etc will be their answer. Kids.. who can blame them for that when they are being fed with all these heroic cartoon characters everyday on tv.

For me, I have my own superhero! The one and only Wondermother!!! Maybe my wonder woman can't fly but she had a better super power that is a strong heart. A Greek saying states that only women who have washed their eyes with tears can see clearly. And that is so true! At the age of 10 I asked my mother what was she like when she was my age. She told me that she was nothing like me, way back then everything is different. My grandfather is just a fisherman and my grandma is a full time housewife. With 6 children to take care of, they were very thight up in terms of money. But even then she struggled to excell in her study, however she told me that she with all the strain she didn't have enough reference and guidance. She managed to be a teacher. Being just a little girl when I asked that question, I can't really relate all the situations she's trying to describe to me.

As I grew up, everything came into a clearer picture to me. I watched her struggling with the injustice done to her in her marriage, I watched her working day and night to give me a better living, and sometimes I can see her crying but never sighing. But the funny thing is she can still smile and she never let anything that happened affect me in any way. My success is actually mainly because of this supermom! Mother you are the only one person that know me from the very deep... I love you mom!

For everyone out there I bet you guys also have your own superheroes that is very precious to you and always there in many ways when you are in trouble... My advise is treasure them as we didn't know when The greatest power will take them away from us.

2008-06-06T13:18:00.000+08:00

I bet it isn't too late for me to write about the increasing price of oil and also the coming soon increase of the tariff for electricity. This situation had brought out panic among Malaysians.. why?? because when the announcement made... Malaysian had noticed that this will give rise to almost everything that's purchasable!!

I'm not blaming anyone for this neither pointing to anyone, but I keep on thinking to myself.. What had happened to our economy nowadays.. What happened to Malaysia and furthermore what will happen to the future of our country.. Sigh.. it's not only the patriotism in me that kept me worried, the thought of the future my children going to live in also made me terrified of all the events currently happen in my country, I mean our country!

Funny huh.. when news nowadays stating that the increase of petrol in Malaysia is lesser compared to other developed countries such as singapore, UK, united states... That is so funny because how can we compare if our per capita income is about one-third of theirs.. It is like comparing an apple and a durian.. Other than these two are fruits, nothing else is comparable.

What to do ?What to do? I'm just one of the many citizens that suffering from the increase of petrol. Maybe this is a sign for us all to get back to basic, to live the simple life of our ancestors did. No more using cars, neither using public transport because the petrol will also affect the charges over public transport as well. We should now start to improve our stamina and lets walk all the way to work (Argh!!! my workplace is 30km ++ away). Then we should start planting our own food, and furthermore why should we bother sending our children go to school, it will be more beneficial for them to learn how to plant and do all the village chores. At least it will save money for their future.

Back to basic or in harsh words it is back to the past. Is that the best solution? But then I realized once before when I was just a little girl I did ask my mom what is vision 2020 and she told me that is a plan for a better future for me. Weird I think why does my mom is so happy about that.. in that year of 2020 she'll be too old to enjoy the development. Now I know what it is all about, and I'm scared that if I do live long enough to the year of 2020, my children will still ask the same question because there's nothing to show them then.

Que sera sera....

Living in the past

2008-06-04T14:43:00.000+08:00

Well .. life is full of choices that we have to decide which pathway should we choose. I don't mean to sigh or to regret but it happens that sometimes the idea of I had made the wrong decision did pop into my head. Does this happen to everyone ? This past few months I had made one of the biggest decision in my life aside from getting married, having a maid and bla bla bla.. I have decided to move to other institution and resign from the one institution I have been devoted teaching for 5 years. I knew that I moved for a better opportunity and for a better future insyaAllah, but why still deep in my heart I have this doubt and uncertainty. Worsen when even now I still remembering the days I spent there and my precious colleagues. Isn't that funny... I'm missing the one and only place that I once thinking of leaving and no turning back!

Before this one of my dearest friend did talk to me about living in the past and I doesn't totally agree with her opinion that most of us love to live in the past.. But now I realize that she's 100% right. The famous words from most people I've met is dulu kan...... bla bla bla, kan seronok masa kita dulu.... bla bla bla, do you remember when we bla bla bla! Yes that are some of the famous words for us that proven her hypothesis. Nowadays I realize that I'm one of the user of these words and that makes me one of the people that living in the past!!

So what should I do? Stop living in the past? But do you ever ask why is the past so good to remember and to live in. That is why certain people struggle to hold onto the past and, as the cliche goes, "keep their memories alive," but there are just as many people who push forward into the future without ever looking back. I'm not sure which group of people am I in to. All in all, I figured that although history often repeats itself, there are steps I must take to move forward toward a (hopefully) better informed, wiser and more comfortable existence. With that in mind and knowing I had numerous other ways to move on to, I chose to strive further rather than grieving and clinging to the past.