Years back when ....

Well well well... the starting of a new semester at all higher educational intitutes. I bet the students will be so eager in starting the new semester especially the freshies. Why not.. it is the starting of a new expirience for them. Not just them but also to me.. this is also the starting of a new expirience for me since this will be the first semester for me to teach at USIM. After 6 years in this academic world the excitement of facing a new semester is still there. Each semester promises a new experience that will always be an additional tepisode in the diary of my life.

Starting at the age of 22 as a tutor is quite early I think. But that is what I am, blessed with a job that I love so much after I graduated on 2002. That was the best year (at least until today) that I can remember, I met bunch of great friends that are really helpful and eventhough we've been far apart now, we still keeping in touch with each other. That is the year I learned on how to teach and also managerial work. There's limitations when we are in a small university that is still growing, we have to be a multi tasking person! So I did the work from teaching to sending letters for the dean.. But life is easy at the time, I never bothered of coming back to work early, I didn't mind staying back untill 11.00pm settling documentations for the LAN with my colleagues. And that is how it had been all that years. Alhamdulillah the university did grow bigger and bigger, at first I thought to myself that alhamdulillah, things is getting better and better each day but, then I realize its not! Things is worsen! Eventhough more students is coming in, additional staffs is there to help... life is getting more stressful for me! The management kept on changing and so did the policy, confusion is always there and even worse there's no staff development policy. My beloved prof , I mean the dean that I really look up to left the institution because of the problems. It was the starting of a torturious day of my life. The limit is when one of my dear colleague being the dean. I thought it will get better since he is once my friend and he knew the difficulties we were facing and all the sacrifice made by the staff. But yet, he changed! It was like I never knew him before, and that really hurts.

However, in every clouds there's always a silver lining, so with all the problems I did manage to get my masters degree and that is right on time when I decided to let go of the institution that raised me up and build up my character. I left, for a better future, I hope.

Until today I still prayed that my 'friend' will change and being the real friend that everyone like before.

DILEMMA

TRUST is a big word for me. Doing it is not as easy as saying it. I'm in the midst of settling all the documents for a maid. However, because I'm desperately inneed of someone to take care of my kids, my agent has been so kind enough to lend me the available maid at her house to help me meanwhile waiting for the real one. Alhamdullillah ....

First day

It was Sunday, me and husband wake up quite late at 9.30am (earlier we had already wake up for our prayers). We wake up seeing she's already up doing the house chores. Then the training begun... I told her everything that I can remember about my big boy Arif and cheeky Auni. I listed all the important schedule that she ought to follow because my kids are well trained and they have a very accurate timing for their meals and daily nap. I felt relief when bibik (the maid) seems to understand. I can see that she likes to talk and alot! But, realizing she's the one going to handle my kids eventhough temporarily, I bare with her interest in talking. What good about her habit is at least I know more about her, and it is well known when we talk too much all the things she tried to keep out from me were revealed. Example in her pasport was stated that she is 45 years old but looking at her I knew she's much much older than that, so I asked. Realizing that I'm suspicious she told me that the truth is she's 49. But still I bet she's older than that! I'm used of cooking so she doesn't need to do any cooking, I'll cook for my family including her.

The schedule for my kids are easy:

5.ooam - time for milk, both of them (this one I and my husband take turns doing it ourselves)

9.00 am - waking up, take their bath and eat some biscuits or milk, then just let them play as

they like.

11.30am- meal time (usually I cooked them porridge)

12.30pm- nap time .. actually it is more like day sleep because it will take them 3 hours of

sleeping

3.00pm- waking up, eat their meal (everything is readied), then let them play

6.00 pm - biscuits time and bath time.

Then I ussually came home right after they have settled bathing or starting to bath. After I'm at home every responsibility on the kids are mine again. She just need to do all the house chores. Not that hard huh?

Second day

I woke up at 5.15am as ussual to cook and settled to work. She is still asleep, no problem for me I'm used of doing my thing alone. Then it is 6.15am she's still sleeping ?? So I wake her up. Then she woke up prayed and I remind her to take a good care of my baby. 6.30 off I go to work. I came back around 6.30pm, my kids were bathed and they seems quite happy so I'm ok with that. At 10.00pm I told the bibik to go to sleep because I need her to wake up earlier tomorrow.

Third day

As ussual I woke up very early settling everything and guess what,.. even on the third day she can't manage to wake up early. 6.15am I woke her up, but she only woke up at 6.30am! Just the right time as I'm readily going to work! Oh my gosh! I thought to myself who is the real maid in this house?! What so difficult, I've settled everything from the food to washing clothes. She just need to take care of my kids and hang up the washed clothes. Why can't she wake up earlier just to help me a little bit in getting ready the items to cook. I came back earlier that day bringing back with me all the work to be settled at home. What amazing about her is when I'm home, she immediately like off work. Time to punch out .. I bet that what she's thinking when I came home. But still my patience is there, aside from telling her to do all the the chores, I just kept quiet.

Fourth day

Bla bla bla.. the routine, no need for me to write again.. and she's also continuing her ussual routine that is she will wakes up on my effort to wake her up. Coming back from work at 6.00 pm, without changing, immediately I cooked the dinner for my hubby since he's going locum at 6.45pm. As ussual when I came back my kid s will be all over me hoping that I'll spend time playing with them, but how can I need to settle the dinner. They are crying and screaming for me while I'm at the kitchen. I figured where's bibik, well she's taking her own sweet time at her room and then just sat beside them doing nothing. Oh please... at least go and play with them!

Worst is at night I realized that Arif (my boy) had a low gred fever. So while I'm busy settling aArif, giving him his medication and sponging him, Auni (my baby gurl) is crying for attention. It is very handful for me to play with Auni while sponging Arif. I can manage to do that ! but this is the reason I need a maid to help me ease my burden... As for the bibik!! She went to her room, and switched off the lamp and went to sleep... How could she sleep when I really need someone to help me. Well that's it.. this weekend I definitely going to talk to her seriously. Oh please let me have the courage to face all this.

So no need to write further... The conclusion is, it is so difficult to find someone I can trust and how can I trust her taking care of my kids when I'm at work! I really hope for someone to work honestly with dignity. I prayed for a good maid @ helper when my real maid arrived!

My Hero..

With great power comes great responsibility.. Quote and unquote the phrase from our favourite movie spiderman... So who are the superheroes in this real life? Who are those with great power? If I pop this questions to my kids.. definitely the idea of wonderwoman... spider man... batman etc etc will be their answer. Kids.. who can blame them for that when they are being fed with all these heroic cartoon characters everyday on tv.

For me, I have my own superhero! The one and only Wondermother!!! Maybe my wonder woman can't fly but she had a better super power that is a strong heart. A Greek saying states that only women who have washed their eyes with tears can see clearly. And that is so true! At the age of 10 I asked my mother what was she like when she was my age. She told me that she was nothing like me, way back then everything is different. My grandfather is just a fisherman and my grandma is a full time housewife. With 6 children to take care of, they were very thight up in terms of money. But even then she struggled to excell in her study, however she told me that she with all the strain she didn't have enough reference and guidance. She managed to be a teacher. Being just a little girl when I asked that question, I can't really relate all the situations she's trying to describe to me.

As I grew up, everything came into a clearer picture to me. I watched her struggling with the injustice done to her in her marriage, I watched her working day and night to give me a better living, and sometimes I can see her crying but never sighing. But the funny thing is she can still smile and she never let anything that happened affect me in any way. My success is actually mainly because of this supermom! Mother you are the only one person that know me from the very deep... I love you mom!

For everyone out there I bet you guys also have your own superheroes that is very precious to you and always there in many ways when you are in trouble... My advise is treasure them as we didn't know when The greatest power will take them away from us.

I bet it isn't too late for me to write about the increasing price of oil and also the coming soon increase of the tariff for electricity. This situation had brought out panic among Malaysians.. why?? because when the announcement made... Malaysian had noticed that this will give rise to almost everything that's purchasable!!

I'm not blaming anyone for this neither pointing to anyone, but I keep on thinking to myself.. What had happened to our economy nowadays.. What happened to Malaysia and furthermore what will happen to the future of our country.. Sigh.. it's not only the patriotism in me that kept me worried, the thought of the future my children going to live in also made me terrified of all the events currently happen in my country, I mean our country!

Funny huh.. when news nowadays stating that the increase of petrol in Malaysia is lesser compared to other developed countries such as singapore, UK, united states... That is so funny because how can we compare if our per capita income is about one-third of theirs.. It is like comparing an apple and a durian.. Other than these two are fruits, nothing else is comparable.

What to do ?What to do? I'm just one of the many citizens that suffering from the increase of petrol. Maybe this is a sign for us all to get back to basic, to live the simple life of our ancestors did. No more using cars, neither using public transport because the petrol will also affect the charges over public transport as well. We should now start to improve our stamina and lets walk all the way to work (Argh!!! my workplace is 30km ++ away). Then we should start planting our own food, and furthermore why should we bother sending our children go to school, it will be more beneficial for them to learn how to plant and do all the village chores. At least it will save money for their future.

Back to basic or in harsh words it is back to the past. Is that the best solution? But then I realized once before when I was just a little girl I did ask my mom what is vision 2020 and she told me that is a plan for a better future for me. Weird I think why does my mom is so happy about that.. in that year of 2020 she'll be too old to enjoy the development. Now I know what it is all about, and I'm scared that if I do live long enough to the year of 2020, my children will still ask the same question because there's nothing to show them then.

Que sera sera....

Living in the past

Well .. life is full of choices that we have to decide which pathway should we choose. I don't mean to sigh or to regret but it happens that sometimes the idea of I had made the wrong decision did pop into my head. Does this happen to everyone ? This past few months I had made one of the biggest decision in my life aside from getting married, having a maid and bla bla bla.. I have decided to move to other institution and resign from the one institution I have been devoted teaching for 5 years. I knew that I moved for a better opportunity and for a better future insyaAllah, but why still deep in my heart I have this doubt and uncertainty. Worsen when even now I still remembering the days I spent there and my precious colleagues. Isn't that funny... I'm missing the one and only place that I once thinking of leaving and no turning back!

Before this one of my dearest friend did talk to me about living in the past and I doesn't totally agree with her opinion that most of us love to live in the past.. But now I realize that she's 100% right. The famous words from most people I've met is dulu kan...... bla bla bla, kan seronok masa kita dulu.... bla bla bla, do you remember when we bla bla bla! Yes that are some of the famous words for us that proven her hypothesis. Nowadays I realize that I'm one of the user of these words and that makes me one of the people that living in the past!!

So what should I do? Stop living in the past? But do you ever ask why is the past so good to remember and to live in. That is why certain people struggle to hold onto the past and, as the cliche goes, "keep their memories alive," but there are just as many people who push forward into the future without ever looking back. I'm not sure which group of people am I in to. All in all, I figured that although history often repeats itself, there are steps I must take to move forward toward a (hopefully) better informed, wiser and more comfortable existence. With that in mind and knowing I had numerous other ways to move on to, I chose to strive further rather than grieving and clinging to the past.