Being Real

An optimist will always sees solution in each problem. That is how I tried to maintain strong and thinking positive. But things doesn't always been as smooth as we hope for. Not all problem can be solved with the solution we have chosen. Sometimes the harder we fight the harder everything come crushing on us. Lately, there are lots of circumstances happen that is out of my control.
Scared+stressful+ tired+ lonely = confuse..
I'm truly confused lately, where should I start my step, which and what should be solve first... Is time by my side. Can I manage everything.. Gosh everything is so confusing!!
I wanna be real! And being real.. I must learn to let go things that is out of my control!!

27 September 1979

Happy birthday my beloved hubby ........ Semoga panjang umur and murah rezeki and diberkati umur dan hubungan kita..


I bought a GPS for my hubby's birthday, thanks to my brother in law because I'm a little bit out of date in catching up with all the upcoming gadgets nih..

Malaysian Hospitality


Whereever I go I will always remember this that no one can doubt the hospitality of a Malaysian. I'm writing this as an appreciation to all my friends no matter how far you are for the hospitality that you have shown me and may Allah bless us all.
Hartworth Harbour tengok seal godang godang

This is the family that we just met for the first time in Dublin but yet the kindness they shown us is priceless and undescribable. All this while being busy with everyday work I think I tend to forget about the soft skill and even worst sometimes I forgot that I've been selfish in sharing ideas or even lending a helping hand to others. But after the experience in Dublin and also London it makes me muhasabah myself of what the value of life is. It's true life without sharing happiness with others is meaningless and we also never know when will this journey of life ends.
From this day onwards I hope I will be a better person. Ammin..
Thank you Dr Yusri and Ain. Hopefully this will not be our last meeting, if Ain opens this blog I just wanna tell both of you that you are most welcome to our humble house in Malaysia. Please do drop by sometime.
Kak Urwah was my senior at school and since I was in form 4 we have been close friends. Though the limitations of being student in a big city like London and also Kareem is facing rough times in finishing his thesis, they had made us welcome. I felt flattered that my brother in law also manage to come and meet us at London. They had made our day in London. Thank you all for the warmth welcome all of you had shown us. After staying for more than a week abroad. It feels really good looking out the window and seeing the sky in Malaysia. No matter where I am nothing beats my love for my country.





Lovely places in Dublin and my presentation day.

Phoenix park.. Tu phoenix kat on top of the monument..

Second day at Dublin, we went to Phoenix park, we've been told that it was the largest park in europe so definitely we went round the park via car. In the park is the Dublin zoo but tak masuklah, not really interested to visit zoo. We did wander around, but unfortunately we didn' manage to see the dears at the park. Ussually there are dears wandering freely in this park. But as for today we are just not in luck. Maybe the dears have sense there will be malaysian coming so Hide!!

Beautiful pond, pitty the swan she actually swam from the other side of the pond approaching my hubby with her babies thinking that my hubby had brought some food for them but he didn't.. So cruel..

Than off we go to the botanical garden. It's about 15 minutes drive from the phoenix park.


The green house

Ala ala masuk hutan la nih
Compliment to the gardeners and the landscaper
Rose garden, the smell of the roses were so refreshing.
Like old times... ala ala dating gitu.
Tired and hungry.. apa lagi soru ler.. This is at the Islamic center, there is an arab restaurant there. Alast second day in Dublin I got to enjoy eating rice..
The beautiful mosque at the Islamic Center. We solah zohor there.

Today is THE DAY... All the adrenalin rush can be felt since early morning. I can't sleep from the moment I finished my Subuh prayers until its time to walk to UCD. I felt tachicardic, nausea, dispnea .. long story short all the physiological changes were due to the instabil emotion I'm feeling at the time. Any way we started walking early morning, though I'm scared with the tought of the presentation but as ussual my hubby still happy snapping pics here and there.

My hubby pretending to wait for a bus but the truth was we walked along the way

They told me that it will only be a 10 - 15 minutes walk but..... I felt like losing my breath walking to UCD from Radisson... Arghhh it had been years when I last walk this distance.

Anyway arrived alast. Alhamdulillah

My first oral presentation in an international conference
As a reward for me with the walking and being able to get through with the presentation, Dr Yusri and Ain brought us to GLENDELOUGH. Picturesque........ The route to get there is like Bukit Putus but arriving there it is all worthy! The beautiful surrounding is just too difficult for me to describe.

The lake and the hill view as background while promoting Ain's delicious muffin.
Make me remember of a series when I was a little girl ' A small house down the prairie'
Precious moment with the precious man in my life
It took him quite some time to climb up there....

Refreshing.
This is the starting point to hike up the hill but no thank you, enough walking for a day
Impress with the Foxglove flower, it is a digitalis!
Great moment together.























Dublin Visit (Part 1)

Finally I had time to update my blog but my writing skill is a little bit rusty now since I haven't been writing for quite sometime.


This time my story is about my new yet exiting experience that I got from my trip to Dublin. Due to unavoidable circumstances me and my hubby had to decide on taking Air Asia to London though at first we are trying to avoid direct flight because few of my friends told me that it will be very tiring. Our actual journey started on 3rd of July, from KL back to Sungai Petani to send the kids to my mom's house. She had initially agreed upon taking care of them when we are away. 6 hours journey.

From there we took Air Asia from Penang to KL then from KL directly to London. We started the journey at 6.oo am from Penang and we arrived at London approximately at 11.55 pm London time. Mak Aih .. imagine the hours we spent waiting for the flight and the inflight journey....


Tired face arriving at Stansted Airport, London.



But the journey doesn't end yet, we have to wait for another 5 hours at Stansted just to get our next flight to Dublin which is scheduled at 6.00 am. At that time I felt like a never ending story.. Sleeping .. waking up...sleep again .. waking up again but we are not in Dublin yet.. Arghh..




But my beloved hubby still have the heart to take photos at the airport...


Upon arriving at Dublin airport both of us were so blurr, this is actually our first trip to europe. Fortunately Dr Yusri a good friend of AP Dr Zainab and family fetched us at the airport. At first I'm rather confused how did he manage to recognize us as as soon as we approached the arrival hall. But maybe because not many Malays were there (Lagipun dedua muka asek tengok sani sini obvious sangat kot). Alhamdulillah arrived alast.

Dr Yusri (him and his wife had been very helpful and very nice throughout our stay ) and Azmani taking pic with the background of bungalows owned by pensioners.



I definitely sure that we were very tired when we arrived at Dublin but after a very delicious luxury breakfast with Dr Yusri and Ain, suddenly we had the energy to go for sightseeing at the city center. We had to take pic at the royal college of surgeon ... hehehe it had been once my dream to study there.

We went for a walk around the city center my hubby mmg snap sana sini jer kejernyer loads of pic we took at the city center. I just uploaded all in my facebook easier though.

Impressive the mosque were once a church, we can still know based on the design



A medical center that doesn't look like a medical center at all to me.

This transportation is called Luas.. luas nyer jalan yang dia pakai. It is as slow as our commuter but more comfy and much much cleaner.


This is the main entrance for St Stephen's Park (hopefuly I still got the name right). I'm right under the entrance.. can anyone see me?

This is the park at the middle of the city center very beautiful and they occupied this park for lunch and most of their free time. Irish just love park like this.

After wandering around the city center and the park we were starving so time for lunch.. My first Kebab in Ireland. First time taste it, I can say it was yummy and they were very generous in filling in the pita bread with the lamb.. We were full until the next day.
Arriving at the Radisson St Helen's Hotel Dublin, we were surprised by the mansion look it featured . Macam zaman dolu dolu punya building. Cayaklah

And there is also a park right in front of the hotel.

In the room we were again being surprised by the warm welcome. The room is not that big compared to any five stars hotel in malaysia but my hubby was so thrilled seeing his name on the TV at the room. That was our first day in Dublin exciting and memorable. Then due to our tiredness what we did after checking in at 5.00 pm was sleep ... and more sleep till the next day.

Am I Brave Enough?

I'm still uncertain whether I am brave enough or do I have the nerve to present my paper via oral communication. But there's no turning back I have to face it, being selected to present via oral communication made me felt appreciated but then further thinking TAKUUUUTTTT!!! This is my 2nd oral presentation but the first presentation in international conference. Whatever happen.. i have to go through this and hopefuly with Allah blessing and all the love overwhelming me from my family I can manage to do it well..

A good start of May

Alhamdulillah.. another paper had been accepted for presentation. Ya Allah thank you for your blessing. So this year I can already sit down and focus on other things than going to conferences for paper presentation. Enough presenting three papers.. Now lets move to scientific writing and the development of my research. Ya Allah please give me the strength..

The good news and the bad news..April says it all..

April had been a long month for me. It felt longer than any other months passed by. Lets check it out.. is it really 30 days? Or maybe there's any additional days for this April 2009. Anyway maybe because lots of things happen on April.

THE GOOD NEWS



My effort on writing paper for oral presentation alast paid off when my paper was accepted to present at the Physiology Meeting 2009 held in Dublin, Ireland. Alast I had the opportunity to go to Ireland. I still can remember the frustration on 1999 when I'm being offered a place at Royal College of Surgeon right after I finished matriculation but the scholarship was withdrawn due to economic downturn. However, no regrets.. After all I might not be blessed as I am today if I went there before. Allah knows best.. Ya Allah hopefuly this time everything will went well.. Dublin, wait for us on July!!

THE BAD NEWS

After being working on a paper day and night, seeking for references and corrections by corrections for days I've devoted myself to.. I sent the paper to a reputable journal last month but this April they sent me a letter saying that they are not considering the paper for publication at their journal. Well really frustrating news! But still I determine to try again, they did suggested me to sent in to other journal so that is exactly what I have done and still waiting for the result.

THE SURPRISE

I was surprise when the dean had given me the trust to give a talk to the students in their research methodology workshop. Why? Because all the other speakers are reputable professors and experienced senior lecturers from various universities. Well I think this is a good start for me to polish the skill of giving a talk rather than always giving lecture.

Alot more had happened this month but enough writing.. I just can describe that this month passed with laughter, smile and even tears.. Hopefully the months ahead promises better news..Amin.

I wanna write something...


Ehem.. Ermmm... Hmmm.... What to publish... Hmmm .. Blank! Nak tulih aper yer.. Well I wanna write.. but dunno what to write.. So enough for the day.. Enough writing for one day...


Ahaaaa... ada idea ... For today I want to declare my love to all my love ones.. If I were to leave this world one day which I believe everyone will when time comes.. I want all this people in my list know how precious they are in my life and I want to say it out loud I REALLY LOVE YOU...

1. THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPEN TO ME IS BEING MARRIED TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE : MOHD AZMANI SAHAR
2. THE PERSON I ALWAYS ADMIRE AND LOOK UP TO AND ALWAYS THERE DURING MY UPS AND DOWNS : MY BELOVED MOM SAMSIAH UDOH..
3. THE WOMAN WHO TAUGHT ME THE MEANING OF PATIENCE : MY MIL SITI MERIAM
4. THE FATHER THAT I LONGED FOR : MY FIL HAJI SAHAR
5. THE PERSON WHO ALWAYS BEING A SISTER I TRUST AND LOVE SO MUCH : DIANA ANAS
6. THE TWO WOMEN THAT MAKE ME FEEL ACCEPTED : ANGAH AZIE AND AZLINA
7. MY BEST FRIEND THAT WANDERING FAR BUT SO CLOSE TO MY HEART : KHADIJAH OTHMAN

Maybe they didn't know or realize it, but they have touched my heart in their own ways. Thank you Allah for let them be part of my life and please Allah give them the happiness they longed for as they have given me happiness that I longed for. Amin.
And that is all I wanna write for today.

The Moment to Celebrate


As our routine each year, my hubby and myself love to organize 'kenduri kesyukuran' on one of our kid's birthday. Our pledge is each year we'll rotate between the kids.. who's birthday's party will be celebrated as a grand celebration each year. As for Auni, this year the celebration will only be between us in the family... Mama luv both of you ...

I'm so worried regarding the celebration.. This year, as we are moving soon so the budget is rather thight so.. For this year's celebration.. I will cook on my own... Lets show the chef within.. (If only there is inside there somewhere.. ello ello.. comeout laa)

So the trouble is to decide what to cook?? Will it taste good?? Will it be a success.. Will it be enough.. What if this.. What if that.. Huhuhu scary....

Okay the menu in my mind at the moment will be:

1. Special Chicken Rice (the word special is to cover if it doesn't taste like ussual chicken rice that people used to eat..clever huh)
2. Begedil (my maid is expert in making this)
3. Desert- special corn puding (my speciality)
4. Cake
5. Juices

Haaa.. I think that is enough.. Hope its enough.

The guests? How many guests? Hmm.. this part maybe I will let my hubby to decide.

What else? What else? Hmmmm

Indahnya Islam

This story I adopted from http://saifulislam.com/ I felt so small reading this...


“Dulu, saya dan dua lagi rakan dianggap sebagai pelajar bermasalah. Kami sentiasa memberontak semasa di sekolah. Semua perkara kami tidak setuju. Mungkin semua itu berpunca dari jiwa kami bertiga yang tidak tenteram. Bagai ada sesuatu yang tidak kena dalam hidup ini” Adam memulakan cerita tentang latar belakang keIslamannya.
“Kamu mencari tujuan hidup?” saya bertanya.
“Mungkin. Namun, kami bertiga akhirnya mengambil keputusan untuk berhenti sekolah. Kami bekerja dan gigih mengumpul wang. Selepas setahun, saya dan kawan-kawan mengembara ke arah Timur. Perjalanan kami merentasi Continent dan akhirnya tiba di Turki” kata Adam.
“Di Turki, kami bertemu dengan pelbagai kejutan. Selama ini saya beranggapan bahawa orang Turki ini ganas. Pantang nampak orang Barat, mesti mahu dipancung. Itu yang kami belajar di sekolah. Tetapi semasa di Turki, saya berasa amat terharu kerana tidak pernah seumur hidup, kami bertemu dengan manusia yang begitu memuliakan tetamu dan menghargai diri kami,” Adam bercerita sambil jarinya memintal-mintal benang sejadah.
“Ya, saya faham apa yang kamu maksudkan. Saya sebagai seorang Muslim, turut jatuh hati dengan Turki, kesan kemuliaan terhadap tetamu mereka yang tiada tolok bandingnya. Lantas apa yang berlaku selepas itu, Adam?” saya mahu terus mendengar ceritanya.
Adam memberitahu bahawa, selepas beberapa minggu mereka di Turki, mereka terasa semacam ada perubahan kepada diri. Mereka seolah-olah bertemu dengan ketenangan yang dicari selama ini.
“Kami duduk berbual siang dan malam. Mencari jawapan, apakah sentuhan yang menjadikan orang Turki begitu mulia pekertinya. Setelah melihat perbezaan sekelompok orang Turki dengan sekelompok yang lain, kami yakin bahawa Islamlah yang menjadikan satu pihak di Turki sangat tinggi budi mereka, dan satu pihak yang lain, sama buruk malah mungkin lebih buruk dari orang Eropah di tempat kami,” Adam rancak bercerita.
Saya juga tekun mengikuti bait-bait perkataannya. Accent Irish Utara amat pekat di lidah Adam.
“Selepas pulang ke England, kami bertiga pergi ke Regent Mosque di London dan di situlah kami bertiga melafazkan syahadah!” Adam mengangkat wajahnya kepada saya dan matanya merah menakung tangis.
“Segala puji bagi-Mu ya Allah” saya mengangkat tangan menadah puji untuk-Nya.
Ya, kembara mereka bertiga adalah kembara mencari makna hidup. Keresahan yang Allah campakkan ke dalam jiwa mereka adalah seperti pemaksa agar mereka keluar dari kehidupan yang gelap kepada kecerahan Iman. Resah yang disambut dengan pencarian… berakhir dengan sebuah damai yang lebih berharga dari langit dan bumi serta segala isinya.

TIGA SERANGKAI
“Mana sahabat kamu yang berdua lagi tu?” saya bertanya.
Adam tersentak. Pipi dan telinganya kemerahan. Semacam terkejut dengan soalan saya. Adam terus diam dan matanya redup membendung sesuatu. Mendung luar menambahkan keheningan kami yang tinggal berdua di mihrab masjid. Jemaah lain sudah pulang ke rumah masing-masing atau ke tempat kerja semula.
“Inilah yang ingin saya bincangkan bersama kamu, Imam” Adam menjawab.
“Tentu sekali. Apa yang berlaku?” saya menyoalnya.
“Selepas kami ‘kembali’ kepada Islam, saya dan dua lagi rakan berbincang tentang masa depan kami. Masing-masing mahu melakukan sesuatu yang besar atas kepulangan kami kepada Islam” Adam bercerita.
Istilah REVERT yang memberi makna ‘kembali pulang’ adalah istilah yang lebih suka digunakan oleh masyarakat Barat yang memeluk Islam. Mereka tidak suka menggunakan perkataan CONVERT kerana ia mempunyai konotasi negatif seolah-olah Islam ini mempengaruhi seorang manusia kepada kepercayaannya secara batil. Walhal, memeluk Islam itu sebenarnya adalah kembalinya manusia itu kepada fitrah, acuan Allah yang datang bersama kelahiran setiap insan.
“Jonathan membuat keputusan untuk ke Balkan. Kevin pula membuat keputusan untuk ke Yaman menuntut ilmu.”, kata Adam.
“Dan kamu, Adam?”, saya tertanya-tanya.
“Ya, saya masih di sini. Jonathan dan Kevin sama seperti saya, kami bimbangkan ibu bapa kami. Kami tidak mahu mereka kehilangan kami. Bahkan kami amat mengharapkan supaya mereka juga mendapat petunjuk Allah dan memeluk Islam,” Adam memberikan penjelasan.
“Jadi, kamu semua batalkan hasrat masing-masing?” saya ingin mendapatkan kepastian.
“Tidak. Kevin sekarang ni sudah setahun belajar di Yaman. Dia mencari Sheikh Muqbil,” kata Adam.
“Dan Jonathan… dia sudah selesai perjalanan di dunia ini. Syahid di bumi jihad!” kata Adam kepada saya.
Allahu Akbar! Terkejut saya mendengar cerita Adam itu. Perasaan saya bercampur baur di antara bangga, kagum, sedih dan malu. Saya berasa kagum dengan cerita Adam kerana ia mengingatkan saya kepada perihal ahli sihir Firaun. Paginya mereka kufur, tengah hari mereka beriman dan petangnya pula syahid mempertahankan harga iman. Rahmat Allah ke atas Jonathan, baru setahun dua memeluk Islam, sudah pulang kepada yang Esa dengan cara yang paling mulia.
Tidak sempat dicemar dosa.
Kevin pula membuktikan bagaimana seorang yang mencari Islam, akan tahu harga Islam. Tidak seperti mereka yang diberi Islam umpama kebanyakan kita.

Right vs Wrong


Boring boring!! Dunno what the hell happen this few days but I sure do have a lot of difficult choices to make!!

1.To be frank and hurt somenone's feeling
VS
To keep it to myself and it definitely will hurt me.


2. To question my boss's decision and jeopardize my yearly performance index
VS
To let go and continue suffering from the injustice.


3. To be selfish and have more time for my own establishment
VS
to help friends from other faculty but struggle to manage the tight schedule.


4. To be strong and tell the dean that I want to study local ASAP for the sake of my family
VS
To follow his decission for me to study abroad and sacrifice my family's feeling.


5. To further my study end of this year /early next year
VS
To further my study after my husband has completed his..


6.What I want to do
VS
What I should do...
Arghh.. I can't think clearly. If only what I want to do is in line with what I should do... things will be much much easier...

HATI SEORANG MERTUA

Tinta ini mengorak cerita...
Kecilmu,
Ku berikan jiwa atas dasar cinta,
Tangisanmu alunan mengiringi rutinku,
Ku korbankan lelah, keringatku perah,
Agar kau tak mengerti apa itu payah,
Senyummu penawar... Berbaloi segalanya.
Remajamu,
Ku beri ilmu, kau terus maju,
Permintaanmu bisikan semangat buatku,
Ku korbankan lelah, keringatku perah,
Agar kau tak mengerti apa itu payah,
Kejayaanmu penawar... Berbaloi segalanya.
Dewasamu,
Kuberikan kebebasan, kau disaluti ketenangan,
Pilihanmu ku iring sokongan,
Ku korbankan lelah, keringatku perah,
Agar kau tak mengerti apa itu payah,
Kemewahanmu penawar... Berbaloi segalanya.
Dewasamu,
Ku hulurkan segala, Kau dan famili terus bahagia,
Putusanmu masih kuiring sokongan,
Kau terus gembira,
Ku korbankan lelah, keringatku perah,
Agar kau tak mengerti apa itu payah,
Berita darimu penawar... Berbaloi segalanya.
Aku?
Senyumku masih seperti dulu,
Hambar dalam sendu,
Kederatku meronta pohon dimanja,
Jiwaku terus tergadai,
Bahagia yang ku nanti tersimpan dihati,
Berbaloi segalanya?
Terpejam mataku... Selamat tinggal dunia.....
(Definisi hati seorang bapa)...

Last night I overheard the long chat between my hubby and my FIL. I realized that someone so strong can yet be so vulnerable inside. And yet are we there for them to pamper their feeling as they pamper ours. This poem I made on my own as a dedication to a devoted father that I admire. Ya Allah .. please bless us all and let us be a good child for our family.. Ammiin..

Too many things to catch up with......

Year of 2009 have just started but there are already too many things to catch up... Ayyooo.. what with me nowadays.. getting slower or the time is really getting faster each day.

Year 2009 faculty's activity started with the 3 days 2 nights stay at PD for our family day. Aduyaiii.. soooo tiring. The activities is very tight and yet the Sukaneka was too energatic for mak mak and bapak bapak budak budak to do.. I fell down twice during the activity, alhamdulillah no serious injury just some bruises and terseliuh! So sad that my hubby is not around to help me when I'm injured.. Huhuhu he was working on the day of the occasion.
Two of my roommates, Dila on the right and Kak Ruby the one in the middle. The one on the far left is my vice dean (academic) Prof Jamilah....
We can always judge how was the presentation by looking at the participants' faces...

During the Sukaneka... Felt like it was years back when I last done all the activities that I may consider as Lasak! I'm too scared to jump using the small gelung..


But yet our Dato' was soo energetic..

However our team won first place for overall games in the sukaneka.. Yey yey.. Dato' must be very happy . For the record he was in our team.

The face of victory.. The barbeque was good but maybe the hotel should add more variety to the food served.

Dato' getting ready to enjoy the grilled dishes..
Muka muka kenyang ... makan sampai esofagus ya...
Part of my faculty members..

The tiring faces yet so happy realizing we were going back on that day.
Then back to routine work at the office. While we were busy doing our chores each day.. People in Palestin were fighting for their life. I was so emotionally touched by what happened and still happening in Gaza. To show our support all university's staffs and students gathered together in a perhimpunan aman at Nilai Stadium. The speeches from all representatives were so emotional and touching. Maybe we cannot help directly for the war but we can do our part by donating some of our money or belongings for the victims in Gaza. I strongly believed that eventhough my money doesn't value that much when I'm boicoting items directly related with the Israeilis but yet at least when I leave this world I can answer to Allah that I've tried to do my part by not contibuting to the people that is trying to destroy the muslims.

Everyone was so emotional during the picket. This was my first time joining this kind of event so it was a little bit scary for me.